Courtesy of P.Phillips

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Weight of the World

Everyone wants to look like they have everything put together in their lives; no one wants to walk around and outwardly look like a hot mess, so we hide it. Generally we hide it deep down inside so the least number of people can see our craziness. I don't know who we think we are hiding it from though. The only people that really matter are ourselves and the Lord and you can't hide anything from yourself or God for that matter, so it is pretty much a lost cause.

I was raised in a church going family. I went to Sunday school each week, was involved in Awana's and VBS; I knew from a very young age what a Christian was and what Jesus had done for me. I don't think I have really ever chosen to implement Christianity into my life the way it was designed for me though. Of course I love the Lord, I go to church and I read my Bible - but am I a light for the Lord in such a world full of darkness? Do I radiate His beauty, kindness and unconditional love to all people? Am I obedient when He asks me to do things or do I even follow the 10 Commandments? The answer to the majority of that is no. I sin. Consistenly. Every single day. And it is the most discouraging thing in the world to watch yourself continuously fail at something you try so hard to achieve. Part of me feels like it is a lost cause, that I won't ever be able to be good enough and then part of me knows that the reason I am not succeeding is because I am not putting in the time and effort that is needed to do well.

The other night I was having a conversation with my roommate and amongst the things we discussed we talked about the Lord's forgiveness. I have sinned and I am ashamed of my sin. I don't like going into church sometimes because I feel dirty and I think that everyone there knows it. It feels like they can just tell that I am not Christ-like. I struggle with actually accepting His forgiveness and moving beyond my past. I know He forgives me and I know Jesus died on the cross for my sins; but it is different to live that than to just simply know it. 

The devil knows my weaknesses and he preys on me in those areas. For whatever reason I don't feel worthy of forgiveness, mercy, grace, etc. I don't feel good enough. I spent a large portion of my late adolescent life being told I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, fun enough and so many other things that after a certain amount of time I started to believe it myself. That is the devil eating away at me; making a last ditch effort to try and get me to turn away from my faith and my God. It's not easy not to sometimes. I wonder how much simpler life would be if there was one less thing to worry about; if I didn't have the guilt that comes along with sinning due to having the Holy Spirit in my heart. If I could just go around and sin or act crazy and never feel bad for it - geez, part of me thinks that would be the life. But it isn't my life. I don't want it to be. I like the guilt because it means God is still alive and within me, that I haven't lost my relationship with Him. I like having morals and standards I hold myself to because it means I am trying to live my life more like Jesus. 

And for now that is what it has boiled down to ... I want to live my life more like Jesus. I don't think I am going to change overnight or that I am not going to fail because I surely will time and time again. However, I want to put forth the effort to know my God in a more personal way. I want to start going back to church, because it has been too long, pray more, read my Bible more and just be more intimate with the Lord. So I guess here is to day one of being honest with myself and Jesus and my pursuit of living more like Christ. 

Your hand in mine ..

Things in life couldn't possibly be more different than they were the last time I posted. Everyone that was supposed to move finally did and getting adjusted to all the newness has been interesting to say the least. 

I miss my parents a great deal. We have always been close and I knew I would miss them but I really, genuinely didn't think it would feel like this. I went away to college and I left them before but this time just feels different than then. Maybe it is because I am older and we have grown closer, who knows. I am supposed to be a grown up and be able to do things on my own but I find myself calling them constantly for a myriad of things. I had to ask my dad what kind of lightbulb went in the backyard light, call my mom cause my battery died when I came out from the grocery store, and today I am texting them about a super expensive water bill. Needless to say I am not a grown up. And I am totally ok with that, I think ... at least for now. I am going to try and get them to do dinners with me twice a month in Houston or somewhere around there that is a halfway point between the two of us. Hopefully that will satisfy some of the sadness about  missing them and we can spend some time with each other. We will see how that goes!

It feels like I am in college again now that I have roommates. It is such a heartwarming feeling to wake up and see Britt at the kitchen table drinking coffee or see B pull up in the driveway after school. Your 20's are hard and knowing that the three of us don't have to do it alone is really comforting. I was on Pinterest, surprising I know, and I found a pin that said 21 Secrets for your 20's; the credit completely goes to Paul Angone at All Groan Up. As I found myself reading through the 21 secrets though I realized how completely true the majority of them were. Part of #6 says "Making and keeping friends in our twenties takes intentionality." I couldn't have said it better myself. B and I have been able to maintain a friendship but I know that we are going to continue to grow and evolve in our friendship and as a people. I am really excited that we are living together and have the rare opportunity to change in this life side by side. With Britt, we haven't been close at any point in our lives really but forming this new friendship while being roommates is an exciting experience. I am really lucky to have two wonderful women beside me during undoubtedly at time of some of the biggest ups and downs in my life. 

TK is all the way in freaking Florida. FLORIDA! From doorstep to doorstep we are exactly 743 miles apart and roughly 11.5 to 12 hours away depending on traffic/stops/etc. This is definitely the most challenging time we are going to experience as a couple. While I am not looking forward to the day to day frustration of not getting to have my boyfriend around I know that in the end this is just going to bring us closer; the time we have to spend with each other after it is all said and done is going to be so much sweeter. We are both doing this for the greater good of us as a couple and for our future family and that is what keeps us each going. Plus I couldn't be any more proud of what he is doing. I mean I am going to be married to Dr. Klein one day .. how cool is that? Really though, I am beaming inside knowing how he is bettering himself and following his dreams; it is an incredible feeling. We are hopefully going to get to see each other once a month. The plan, thus far at least, is to meet up about halfway one weekend in September and then for me to fly down and stay for a week or two in October. Then of course he will be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We will see how that all turns out but right now I am just looking forward to our next iChat or phone call - it's the little things!

I know that I write about the same things over and over again on here, I just can't help it. My family, friends and boyfriend happen to be the greatest, most important things in my life so updates on them are going to be much more common than other aspects in my life. Oh well. Sooner or later I will write a post about everything else that is happening ... till then!

moving on up!

We are on the move. Literally. My parents are moving out, two of my friends are moving in and Ty is moving to Florida. All of this is happening within roughly one week of each other ... could life be any crazier? Seriously? It is insanity. The house is a disaster right now and Tyler and I are about to head to San Antonio to make his apartment a disaster too. Little by little it is all coming together though and I know that it will be fabulous in the end. It is just a matter of getting to the light at the end of the tunnel currently.

I am nervous about my parents moving out. They aren't going to be super far away or anything but regardless I get anxious. They aren't old but they are getting older and well, I worry. If there is one thing that I worry most about in life it is them dying, no doubt. I can't imagine my life without them. I hope they know that. And I hope I have been doing a decent job of spending some time with them before they go. I know I have been preoccupied with my own feelings about other things but I need to make more of an effort to see them and get some alone time with them since they won't be in the same house as me anymore. 

On the other hand I am pretty excited to have roommates again. I think it will be a fun atmosphere for all of us. I have never been one who wanted to live alone, probably because I was an only child. I have always dreamed of having siblings, especially sisters - so roommates helps slightly fulfill that goal. Both of the girls moving in are great people and very different from me. I think it will be fun to see how we can all challenge each other, grow together and become the best of friends. Yay.

The boyfriend moves in the middle of August. It is a lot of work trying to figure out what is going and staying, as it is with every move. I am excited for him. His new apartment is awesome and I don't think he could have picked a better one to be honest. Hopefully it will all go smoothly. Once we get everything packed up in San Antonio I think he will be a little bit more at ease, I know I will. Because then all that is left is actually getting it all to Florida. I am going to miss him. Duh. But we have already agreed on an iChat date at least once a week for dinner [we're precious I know] and I have no doubt that we can make it work.

For now I guess I am just going to dive head first into the craziness and try and get everything organized and ready for the big days. Yikes. 

smooth as the hickory wind that blows from Memphis down to Apalachicola

I just got back from a road trip. If you have read any of my previous posts you know that I am not a road trip person and we are not a road trip family. So why do you ask did we drive from Houston to Oklahoma City to Laurel, MS to Tallahassee to Destin, FL to Tallahassee to Pensacola and then back home to Houston? [that's about 2,500 miles by the way] That is a great question, isn't it? Ty and his family are road trip people. Since I am now a part of their family also I get to partake in their family traditions of driving instead of flying. To be honest it wasn't as bad as I make it out to be. Ty and I finished watching season four of Big Bang Theory, and finished all of season 1 and almost season 2 of Grey's. It definitely kept my time occupied and they were great about stopping every so often for a short break. It was a lot of togetherness time, about 7 days straight, but it again helped me solidify, like so many things do, that he is the guy for me. We didn't bicker or get sick of each other or anything like that and there isn't another person I would rather be stuck with in a car for that long. I was so excited to be able to go to Tallahassee with them. Since he is going to FSU in the fall it was nice to get a chance to help him pick an apartment and see the campus; it is nice to know where he is going to be and be able to actually visualize it instead of just guessing.

The move isn't going to be easy on either one of us but we are both making the best of the time we have left here at home together. I am really enjoying just getting to spend all of our time having fun with the little and big stuff that goes on each day.

I'm sexy and I know it ...

Not the biggest fan of LMFAO however that music video just cracks me up. It seems to be an underlying theme in my life as of lately too. I don't mean to be arrogant in any way by that statement, I just mean to say that the more I work out the better I feel about myself, the more confidence I have and the sexier I think I am. 

I have been doing pretty awesome with my running as of lately - props go to Tyler for that one - this week we bump up to 9 miles. By no means am I fast. But I am kicking some ass if I do say so myself. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would be running that far, at that pace; or simply that far for that matter. I feel so empowered after a good long run. It relieves tons stress and really just clears my head. For an hour and a half the other day I just got to listen to music, think, and embrace all of nature around me; all three of which I rarely have the chance to do so it was incredibly pleasant. 

In addition to my new found love for running I am trying out some new workout things. For starters I had a job interview at Lululemon and part of the interview process was a Crossfit session. Now if you have never checked out Crossfit I would suggest doing so at least once. I have always been super intimidated by the idea of it but it was actually a lot of fun. I was sore as all get out the next day, could barely even move my arms my biceps hurt so bad, but definitely worth it. I  am branching out in terms of yoga as well. I have never really committed to a studio but me and some friends purchased a Groupon for a studio called Cherry Blossom, that if you are ever in the Houston area you should check out. I am also planning on joining a running group to help prepare for some races in the fall that I want to do. Having a group to fall back on and push me will definitely help, since Ty isn't always here every time I go run; motivation is key and I think these ladies will for sure give me that. 

Working out has just sort of become my thing that I love. I feel weird when I don't workout now. Back to the Lululemon interview though ... while I was at the interview the manager talked a lot about how their company really promotes goal setting. I have set goals for myself in the past and continue to do so on a regular basis. However, they are generally things that are either really simple that I know I will accomplish, which removes the fear of failure, or so difficult that I am almost destined to fail before I begin. Today though we were asked what is something we hope to have accomplished by this day in June 2013. I thought about it for a moment and it isn't anything life changing or drastic but my goal is to have run a half marathon, more than one by that point in fact. 

So I have decided to put everything down on my blog so that if anyone actually reads this thing - you can keep me accountable - and I will have it in writing. They are far from now but I just really want to make sure I am prepared so I don't look like a fool. 

1. Holiday Half in Galveston, November 18.
2. Run Girl Half in Houston, December 9.
3. Galveston Half, January 27. 

Oh and I am thinking of doing a round of Insanity again. Just can't get enough Shaun T. 

Food, glorious food!

For starters the title to my post is a song from Oliver, which is a total throwback to my high school theatre days. There aren't many songs with lyrics about food in them which I find is rather unfortunate. I don't always use song lyrics, sometimes it's quotes, but I tend to try and make my blog titles relate in some way or another to what I am going to be discussing. So, I had to really put my thinking cap on for this one. But I digress ... The point of this post is to bring you up to speed with some of the recipes I have been trying. I have been on a total cooking/baking spree lately and I figured it was the least I could do to inform the blog community of how things are turning out. 

* Let me preface this with saying that none of these are my own recipes; I am not that talented. If you click on the name of each it will take you to the link where I obtained the recipe in the first place. Without further ado, in no particular order, here are five recipes I have attempted in the past month or so ...

Texas Governors Mansion Cowboy Cookies: Holy cow. There may actually be a reason that these are listed first because they are by far the best cookies I may have ever tasted. They are chalked full of all of my favorite things, nuts, coconut, cinnamon, etc. The best thing about these is that you can add or remove any sort of ingredients you want and they are still going to be delicious. If you are allergic to nuts omit them and add more chocolate chips. Or in my case throw some walnuts in too instead of just pecans. They were awesome and the dough might have been even better. A big hit at the Memorial Day gathering I went to, I will be keeping this recipe on file for further use hands down. 

Banana Oatmeal Cups with Chocolate Chips: These are a healthy take on a cupcake, that I think is more like a muffin, that can be eaten for breakfast or just as a snack throughout the day. I ran out of chocolate chips so I added some coconut into mine but besides that I followed the recipe pretty much verbatim. I ended up having more mixture than it said I would so I was able to make 18 instead of just 15 but they all turned out very tasty. I love that they are only about 130 calories per muffin; it makes for a great grab and go snack for myself.

Oven Dried Strawberries: I was not a fan of these at all. I had such high hopes going in to this endeavor; I followed the recipe that was given on the website word for word and they just didn't turn out right. My strawberries never really became fully dried. The edges had hardened the way they were supposed to but the inner part was mushy like a strawberry that had gone bad. I left them in the oven overnight, because I was too tired and disappointed to do anything else with them, and they dried out a little bit over the next 12 hour period. But they just weren't what I was expecting. Hopefully one of my friends will perfect this recipe and give me some insight on how to make it work!

Copycat Chipotle's Cilantro Lime Rice: I cant take the credit for this one at all ... Tyler made this last night for dinner to accompany our meal and I thought it was wonderful. I hate cilantro but love lime and Chipotle has always done great at balancing out the two flavors in their dishes perfectly. We just kinda went out on a limb last night and threw some stuff in but I think it was just as good if not better than what I pay for. He also added some carrots and onions to the rice in addition to the lime and cilantro and it all just meshed so well together. This is a recipe that definitely lives up to the copycat name.

Zucchini Basil Pesto Pasta: This recipe combines all of my favorite things; I love each of the ingredients so much that I could eat each by itself or on a regular basis. Maybe that is why this recipe was such a hit with me but I think it is just because it is flat out great. I had some yellow squash that was going to go bad so I added it as well instead of just the zucchini and I think it was a great addition to the plate. The whole thing was really easy to make and didn't take much time, which is always a plus for me; I would recommend it to anyone who is looking for something different and delicious.

Hopefully I will get to try out some more new recipes in the near future - I just can't get enough food - and I will update the blogosphere on how they tasted when the time comes. Tonight or tomorrow I think I may take my first crack at a quinoa dish ... wish me luck!

got a lot of catching up to do ...

It has been FOR EV ER since I last wrote on this thing. Stuff has been super overwhelming with trying to get my life situated. But now that summer is near I am hoping to update more often. In trying to catch up on the craziness that has been my life lately I am going to make this blog probably longer than necessary. Oops. 

Ty and I ran a Warrior Dash over the St. Patricks Day weekend. I couldn't have been more proud of the two of us. He stuck with me the entire time and definitely helped me get through it all. We finished together which was a great feeling so I guess during our adrenaline rush we decided we would take on 6.2 miles. So we signed up for a 10K over the weekend of Easter. And we kicked some butt. For real. He ran the whole thing in under and hour and I was just a few minutes behind him. We are now in the process of training for a half marathon. Next week we are up to 8 miles for our long runs. And I can see both of us progressing. It is an awesome feeling to be getting more in shape and reaching goals we never thought we would together. 

Substitute teaching has basically taken over my life. If I am not up at the high school I am babysitting. Both of which I very much enjoy but golly, am I tired. These next two months are going to be a nice break. Although I am hoping to get some sort of a summer job. Either way teaching is still on my agenda. I am [fingers crossed] going to have some sort of teaching job next year. Who knows how it is going to work out. But as long as I finish my alternative certification stuff I should be golden. It is nuts right now. Trying to understand everything they want from me; every website says something different! Oak Ridge is my ultimate goal though so that is what I am going to keep working towards. 

Easter was a ton of fun. My mom was sick so my dad and I spent the morning at church together without her and skipped all the usual fun festivities to make sure she felt alright. Then later that afternoon I got to spend some time with Tyler's family. They are a blast. There was tons of food, games ... he even got me to play croquet ... and it was just a nice little gathering. I am so blessed to have found such a wonderful guy who has such a warm, welcoming, loving family.

Norah and Claire turned 1 and 2 respectively at the beginning of April. A few weekends later was their party. I couldn't have been more honored to get to help participate in all of that. Those two little girls have my heart. I have been so lucky to get to babysit them and watch them grow up over the past 9 months. They bring such joy to my life! The theme of the party was "thing one and thing two" from Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss. Everything was done so perfectly and it was a precious celebration for two precious girls. 

I finally got to head back up to my beloved Aggieland for the weekend of Muster. Seeing College Station again kind of brought me back home; I love it there. And I got to see some of my friends who are still going to school which was a nice treat. Muster was amazing as always. I am so proud to be part of the best university in the world. Honoring those of us who have passed in the previous year just shows how much spirit we have and how much we really are a family, not just a school. 

Ty turned 24, WHOOP, and graduated from UTSA with his MS in Psych just a week ago. I am so incredibly proud of him. He has put in a ton of work over the past two years and it is finally all paying off. Sometimes I wonder if he knows how much I look up to him ... he has such a drive and determination to reach his goals and I envy that. He really does inspire me to do more with my life and be better than I am. I mean he is going to get his PhD. That just blows my mind. I don't know how he does it sometimes. 

Tyler's Grandfather passed away on the 8th of May. He had been very sick, for quite some time, so it was a blessing that the Lord finally took him out of his pain. But that doesn't make it any easier. Also, one of my close friends had a brother pass away in March. That was unexpected and incredibly painful. I see God taking the young and the old in so many different situations and I still constantly ask myself why. It never feels like you have had long enough with them and it never hurts any less. 

I have made a few trips to San Antonio since I last wrote. It is nice sometimes to just get away and be by ourselves for a while. He is going to get to keep his apartment over the summer so hopefully we will get a chance to head up there and actually get to look like silly tourists at least once. I really want to go to Sea World and visit the Alamo - cause I don't remember it at all, which is slightly ironic. 

Umm ... I do believe this leaves me pretty caught up. Till next time. 

green with envy.

Thoughts on Breakaway: Overcoming Jealousy 09.20.2011


The past three weeks of Breakaway podcasts that I have listened to Ben has been crying out from the stage that we need to seek Jesus and pursue Him. We are meant to run through life, being a light for the Lord, but we can't engage in that positive pursuit unless we are simultaneously disentangling ourselves from the ways of the world. There are so many things that get us twisted and tied up and halts our progress. 


We need to look at what is holding us back. I need to do some reflection myself and figure out what is holding me back in particular from pursuing a deeper relationship with Christ. 

Ben mentions that there are three huge problems that hold us back. When he first said that I imagined things like alcohol, sex, drugs, etc. But none of those came out of his mouth. Instead I heard jealousy, guilt and bitterness. 

This week in particular there was a focus placed on jealousy. It was noted that envy has three ingredients. The first is that it requires two people. The second is that there has to be a perception in the envier of some advantage that the envied has that the envier does not. And the third, which you must have, is having a negative emotional response the the previous perception.

Genesis 37:1-14, 18-28 is the story of Joseph and the coat of many colors. The jealousy that came over Joseph's brothers was so severe that they couldn't even say hi to him; there was a true hatred for their own flesh and blood. Joseph's father loved him the most and he made it known. But that wasn't the straw that broke the camels back. It was when the coat was given to Joseph; the coat was a symbol that some day he was going to become his father and follow in his footsteps. 


The reason God makes Joseph a ruler in Egypt is because of the famine that was going to hit. Joseph was the only one who knew how to solve it and he actually ended up saving his family. But God doesn't reveal all of that to begin with because frankly He doesn't have to. God isn't cruel; He weaves all things together for the good of those who love Him. But we have to put our trust in Him. 


We struggle indefinitely with envy. Just think about the last seven days. Think of your honest response in moments where there was someone or something you were jealous of. I know that I am rather guilty of wanting what others have. It ranges from cute clothes on someone to steady jobs/careers that people I know are acquiring and it poisons my thoughts. 


You can't take the first step in the journey of loving God if you don't love other people. Proverbs 14 says that envy makes your bones rot, and Proverbs 27 says that envy is worse than wrath and anger. 


We first need to understand that envy isn't about the other person. It is simply about us. Whatever problem or inadequacy we feel like we have God could have changed in us but He didn't. Envy is insatiable. Nothing will be able to satisfy us in the world ... only the Lord can do that. We need to aim our anger and envy at God and just be honest. And then we need to have the integrity to be able to withstand God's honesty back. God has something bigger and better for us and we need to run our race under His conditions. Not our own.

flo-rida.

March 16, 2012 may just so happen to go down in the history books. At least in my books it will. Ty got into FSU. FSU ... as in Florida State ... as in he is going to be getting his PhD. When we walked up to my door and handed me that sheet of paper my heart was overcome with joy. It may have been one of the proudest moments of my life. I haven't been by his side through all his years of hard work. But the past seven months I have seen him truly bust it in hopes that this dream would be a reality. And after watching him I can honestly say there is not anyone that deserves this opportunity more than he does. God has blessed us both with this news. The stress of not knowing is finally lifted and we can start creating a plan that is going to lead us to where we need to be. This fall is going to bring so many wonderful things and I am more excited than words can express. What God has in store for each of us and for our life together is so much better than anything we could have ever imagined. I am just thrilled that we are able to start this journey together. It is a long time away but I know time will fly; till fall rolls around though I may just stare at his acceptance letter a little more. 

road trippin' on a long weekend.

Following up from my last blog ... we are home from our road trip. We made it there and back without any casualties which if I do say so myself is a miracle. Just a little run down of what all went on, partially in case you are interested and partially so I have it in writing for myself to remember.


March 9th: We hit the road around 10am. Our first stop was Waffle House which always does me in to have a fantastic day. I wish there were more of those lovely, greasy joints around here but I will have to take what I can get. Instead of driving straight through to Memphis we decided to make a pit stop in New Orleans. Doing that shortens the drive by a few hours and since we aren't so keen on cars we figured it was probably in our best interest. Once we arrived, at around 5 or so, we parked ourselves at the Marriott in the heart of the French Quarter. My mom was all about going out and having a good time so we freshened up and hit the town. Bourbon Street was the top priority of the evening and if I do say so myself I was not impressed. I think New Orleans is beautiful; there is gorgeous architecture, incredible history, etc. But I do not enjoy the night life. The lack of moral and the "anything goes" attitude just isn't really for me. I can handle it I suppose but I just feel really out of place. The daytime atmosphere is much more my style. However, we had hurricanes at Pat O'Brien's which is a must when you go to New Orleans and ate dinner at this restaurant called Deanie's, boy was it good. We turned in pretty early but overall it was a nice experience for all of us to share. Maybe I will have a change of heart and enjoy it more when I go back someday. Who knows.


March 10th: We woke up and had planned to go to Cafe du Monde since it is a staple in the diet of a true New Orleans native. But alas the line was probably 300 people long. Little did we know when we planned on making this pit stop was that the SEC basketball championship was taking place at the same time we chose to head down there. So everything was unusually packed and full of blue/white Kentucky fans mostly. With a saddened heart and no beignets we made it to a place called the Camelia Grill for breakfast. It was on a side street, kind of off the beaten path but everyone that was walking out said it was worth every minute of the wait. So wait we did. I can't tell you what I enjoyed more, the food or the atmosphere. The waiters were hysterical and the setup of the place was pretty awesome too; the way the cooked and the comments they made, asking us of we wanted some Mississippi water, it just made the meal that much more authentic. One of the guys had worked there for 14 years. I can't even imagine. The food was awesome, though way too much to eat, so we packed our bags and headed back to the hotel. We were off to Memphis. This was another 6 our drive that we head in front of us. But I was so looking forward to getting there. The route we took was just straight up through Mississippi which wasn't too bad especially once we got off those Louisiana roads. Arriving in Tennessee we headed straight to my granddaddys house where we met my dad. It was great to see him since it had been about 2 weeks since he was last home. He piled into the car with us and we headed to the Hyatt where we were going to stay. By that time all four of us were starving and itching to see what Memphis had to offer so we made our way down to Beale street. After wandering a little bit we chose The King's Palace. The food was incredible, again. I don't know if it is even possible to get bad food in Memphis to be honest. The best part of the night though may not have been the food at all - let's just say the entertainment on Beale Street was more than enough to have me still laughing. I won't go into details ... you will just have to wait and ask me in person if you are truly that interested. 


March 11th: We had breakfast again at the hotel and got ready for the big day. The whole reason for the trip was to have one last family meal in my granddaddys house. It is the house my dad grew up in and my granddad has lived there for roughly 70 years. Well due to some unfortunate circumstances it is time to move out and so we found ourselves making plans for this semi family reunion. It was really nice to see my dad's side of the family. The last time I made my way up to Tennessee was about four years ago. I never got to spend as much time with them as my mom's side seeing as they were states away so every trip is always cherished, even if it is just for 24 hours. It was also pretty great seeing Ty interact with my family too; I never had any doubt that they would love him but it was a nice reassurance having them all together, getting along. I am not sure when the next time I will see all of them will be - part of me has a bad feeling it will be for a not so happy occasion but for now I will hang on to the pictures and memories we created this time around. Granddaddy gets tired pretty early on so the family events didn't last long but the eating never seemed to stop. Ty and I did manage to get in a much needed workout before we went to dinner at this place Buckley's. It was just around the corner from the hotel and was recommended to us by the girls at the front desk. Let me note that I had the best grits I have ever had from this place ... hands down. They made my meal. It was a really great way to end our fast paced few days; just the four of us, relaxing and stuffing our faces. 


March 12th: The sun rose early and we hit the road as soon as we finished eating. We were not stopping this time around so we had to get started sooner than the previous trip. Ty was a trooper and drove the whole 10 hours. I was more than impressed with him. It definitely wasn't an easy car ride but we did made it! 

we're off to see the wizard.

If you know anything about my family you know hands down we fly places. Everywhere. Hell I fly back and forth from San Antonio sometimes because that is how much we hate driving. So today will surely be an experience. We are driving to Memphis to see my dad's side of the family. Side note: [Partial good news is that my dad is already there and Ty is coming with my mom and I; so, keep your fingers crossed that there won't be any knock down drag outs.] The reason for the change of heart when it comes to driving you ask ... well, I am a big baby. I mean huge. And the weather is supposed to be pretty severe here and in Tennessee. That being said to get to Memphis on a nonstop flight you fly on a plane that holds roughly 40 to 50 people. Anxiety through the roof. I do not, I repeat do not, do well with turbulence on airplanes. And I am talking about regular sized airplanes, ones that cross the Atlantic Ocean, hold 200 people, and stay in the air for 11 hours - so on this minute aircraft with severe weather headed our way I panicked. So alas here we are. Packing up the car to head  make the 9.5 hour drive. I think it will be a new experience and am honestly sort of excited about it. But we will see how it turns out; I just hope we all make it back in one piece ... and that is not a reference to a fiery car crash of some sort but rather us killing one another out of frustration and cabin fever. That is all. 

Also here is what I took away from Breakaway's podcast from 09/13/2011 titled Engage the World!

We are living in a time with record levels of self-esteem and record levels of depression. How is that possible exactly? How can we be at both ends of the spectrum? We have been taught as a generation that we can do anything if we try. We can be if anything if we work at it hard enough. So our self-esteem sky rockets. And then when we fail because our dreams or goals are realistic we fall deep into a depression that shakes us to our core. But all of that is worldly. In those moments when our hopes are so high or so low we are placing our value in what the world says we can and can not do. But we as people exist to pursue Him - and He is our rewarder when we do. 


Seeking Him doesn't just mean adding God to our program. When we continue to seek the ways of the world and just partially rely on the Lord not much changes. We do not get to see His rewards or reap the full benefits of His grace, mercy and love. We need to let go of the world's program for us and get on board with God's. 

When we journey with Jesus and let Him take control of our path, it won't take long till we are changed. Realistically it isn't easy to be broken of our selfishness, only the Lord can do that. But the more we walk with Him and recognize how blessed we are He will very easily begin to direct our eyes towards others who are suffering more. 

Jesus doesn't motivate us with guilt and shame contrary to what we may think. In Matthew 9:35-38 it talks about the Lord's travels. It says in v. 36 that Jesus looked up and saw the crowds and had compassion even though they weren't following Him. He was not judgmental but there was a movement in Him that wanted to help these lost people. 

In order for us to get with the program and get on board with what the Lord is doing, in order for us to have that same compassion that Jesus had, in order to engage the world with our walks with Christ we must talk to God about men before you ever think about talking to men about God. 

the reason why.

This is what I took away from the Breakaway Podcast from 09/06/2011

There are a lot of days when I ask the question why at least a few hundred times. I am not sure exactly the reason I ask it because I never seem to get any answers but it is inevitable. We as people want to to know the answer to questions we have in our lives. However no matter how hard we search the world can not give us the answer we are looking for. But with the Lord there has never been a more clear answer than the one that is presented to us. 


This week Colossians 1:15-17 and Romans 9:19-20 were looked at. The questions of "why am I here?" or "what direction should I be going?" are dug into. Ben really focused on the question, "why college?" Since I am no longer in college the whole podcast from the start seemed a little bit irrelevant but you can replace the word college with any noun in your life. With myself in particular I want to know why I haven't been able to find a job yet. I want to know why I am being put in a position where I am substitute teaching and babysitting. I desire more than anything to be in a place where I have a steady career, am supporting myself and making my parents proud. What I should desire from the bottom of my soul is the Lord. So is there a way to do both? Can I pursue the life I have always dreamed of and Jesus at the same time? 


We, I, need to be pursuing God through whatever we are doing. It isn't always the easiest thing but bringing Him the glory in every little thing we do should be our passion. 


There are three reasons why we are here in this life:
1. to study Him
2. to study ourselves
3. and to join Him in what He is doing


We need to engage the world in our theology no matter our place in society. So even though I wake up some days and I wonder why my God has placed me in this particular position I know that I am here to serve a purpose. Whether or not I get an answer as to what that purpose is is up to Him but I need to bring glory to His name regardless.

heavy heart, think of yesterday.

I have been back in that place, walking those halls plenty of times since I graduated five years ago but today was oddly different. Of course each time I substitute I am reminded of my days as a high school student but rarely do little memories flood my mind. However, this morning as I stood on duty in the cafeteria I realized I was standing next to the staircase, in the same exact spot where I stood almost every morning of my senior year. It was there that I so eagerly awaited seeing my bests walk through the doors from the student parking lot. It was there that the drama and fights took place with my high school boyfriend. It was there that I stood each day for twenty minutes before school for an entire year being overwhelmed with college decisions, contemplating what prom dress to buy, falling in love, frantically finishing homework and so much more.


Being there in that moment made me begin to think about all of the ups and downs I had while in that place. There are places in that school that literally changed the course of my life. I know it sounds dramatic but it is the honest truth. 

And sometimes I wonder if it would have been better ... if my friendship hadn't turned into a relationship that lasted four some odd years and consumed my college experience ... if t.u. hadn't rejected me and I had ended up an Aggie hatin' Longhorn ... if I had stuck with tennis instead of blowing it off after freshman year ... 


I wouldn't be me. So no it wouldn't have been better. I dated him for such a long time to lead me to the place where I can appreciate a man like the one I have been blessed with now. I got rejected from a school I so longed to be at, in order to fall back on God and have Him answer the "why?" questions. I quit tennis and became consumed with theatre where my passions soared and lifelong friendships developed. 


My life didn't start in high school but it was shaped by those four years - indefinitely. And as I walk the halls I will always remember and be grateful in fact, that it all turned out the way it did. 

the season of giving up.

Lent. 


I always give things up even though I am not Catholic. My mom is Catholic though. And even though she doesn't give anything up, the ideals of Catholicism have been engrained in me since a very young age. I know how to kneel and stand, I know the Hail Mary prayer, and I know all about holy water, altar boys, and communion. So I tend to give things up for Lent just as any other Catholic would. I suppose it isn't necessarily a prerequisite to be Catholic in order to participate but the two seem to be paired together quite nicely in society.  


This year I started thinking about what I was going to sacrifice and the list was few and far between. I have done all of the common stuff - sweets, soda, Facebook even. I thought about what I could rid myself of that would actually be a difficult sacrifice and nothing really seemed to pop into my head. So instead of removing something from my life I have chosen to add something to my life. I want to read my Bible more and start going back to church. 


My relationship with the Lord has never been as strong as I would have liked it; I think a lot of Christians feel that way. There is always a time in the back of your head when you wonder how you could be doing things better or when you are envious of the people you see at church. Although I have pursued Christ I haven't done so to a degree that I really am happy with. I do want to make Him a center piece in my life, in my relationships and I want the true, genuine desire to make Him known to everyone. 


That being said I am going to read my Bible more. Listen to Breakaway podcasts. [Side note: if you are reading my blog perchance and don't know what Breakaway is - try it out. Ben Stuart is an incredible man of the Lord and speaks pure truth. It is what I miss most about College Station in complete honesty.] Attend church on Sunday and really strive to form a more personal relationship with God. 


With all that being said I think I am going to start writing more on here about what the Lord is teaching me through what I am reading in the Word, etc. as well as continue to write about my day to day life. 

So here goes nothing ... 

This is what I took away from the Breakaway Podcast from 08/29/2011

We have to make a decision to engage God honestly. Generally we take time to engage in every other worldly pursuit besides the Lord. Whether it be sports, work, school, friends - there always seems to be something more important on our plate than taking the time to get to know Jesus. 


Rarely do we think about what can fully come out of our life if we pursue the Lord. We know if we work hard in school we can get a good gob. Or if we make time for our friends they will be there to help us out in difficult situations. But if we combined all of those things, those resources and Jesus - what then could come out of our life?


We were made for the Lord's purpose and our desires were meant to be satisfied by the Lord. We know that we aren't okay. The world isn't ok. And to fix ourselves and fix society it takes more than just self-acceptance. The world can't fix us the way that God can. 


This week at Breakaway the text in Hebrews 11 was studied. In particular Hebrews 11:6 the question of "What does God want from us?" is answered. It is simple. He wants two things. The first being that we must simply believe He exists. And second He wants us to believe that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. God isn't looking for moral conformity. He doesn't just want us to be good people who tell the truth and are kind to others; He is looking for personal intimacy with us. He desires a relationship with each and every one of us and wants to be what fulfills our every need. 


Though it is easier said than done it is the most rewarding thing you can do. When you place your hope in the Jesus instead of people of the earth or worldly things you can be completely satisfied. Because unlike your friends or family, Jesus is capable of all things; it isn't fair to ask your parents or whomever to try and do something they are destined to fail at. 


We need to engage God in our daily lives. We need to strive to know Him through a personal relationship and recognize that that is all He asks of us. He knows we are going to screw up, time and time again, and He is prepared for that. He can handle everything. So we simply need to let go and let God. 

etc. etc. etc.

SO much has been going on as of late. I feel as though the need to update the blog world [as if anyone actually reads this] as to what has been happening in my life. But in case anyone actually does ... and for my own sanity, this will be a compilation of random thoughts floating around in my head. Blogging seems to be the only way I can make sense of things sometimes. 


I had HAND FOOT AND MOUTH DISEASE. Can we talk about that for a minute? How ridiculous does that sound ... hand, foot and mouth disease. It sounds like I'm dying. It sounds as though my hands, feet and my mouth are carrying some incurable infection that is going to slowly permeate through the rest of my body and kill me day by day. It sounds disgusting and let me note that as disgusting as it sounds ... it is so much worse. For the brave at heart you are more than welcome to look at images on google of what my poor soft palate, tongue and tonsils had to endure for the past seven days. But let me ensure you all that it was sick nasty. Basically ulcer/blister things form everywhere in your mouth, cover your hands and feet and since it is a virus you just deal with it. Luckily my hands and feet were spared the worst of it but my mouth was miserable. I urge all of you to steer clear if at all possible - not a fun time. 


Due to my illness I had to take time off of working out. Today I start back - that is going to make for a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Boo. 


My dad has restless leg syndrome. Which I never thought was a big deal. It usually only bothers him at night and generally speaking it has never seemed to cause many problems. Over the past few months I have seen it start to agitate him more than normal though. The main symptom is that your legs are restless - crazy I know. It usually only bothers him in the evenings and it is just one of those things where he can't seem to get comfortable. He fidgets a lot, constantly is repositioning his legs ... that sort of thing. But yesterday when we were in the car we started to talk about it and he just spouted off saying, "The doctor said what I have is a precursor to parkinson's so I guess this is something I am going to have to get used to." It came out of nowhere and he said it in such a nonchalant way. I was shocked to say the least. The reality hit me in that moment that my parents are older and I am going to be without them someday. But before that day comes I am going to have to watch them slowly deteriorate before my eyes until they just can't make it anymore. I am 23 and I am not ready to be without my parents. I don't want to have to take care of them all by myself. It's scary to me. I know that precursor doesn't necessarily mean that it is going to happen; my dad may live a long, healthy life and just have to deal with RLS, which would be a blessing. But the comment put the thought in my head and now it is hard not to dwell on it, at least for the time being. 


Valentine's Day passed during my period of illness and although I was more than slightly dying [due to my disease and all] I had the most wonderful surprise I could have ever imagined. Ty decided to show up on my doorstep around 5:30PM on Tuesday the 14th. I was absolutely taken back by his gesture. It showed more than just how much he loves me but it proved how selfless, kind and Godly he is. He made the drive from San Antonio on Tuesday evening even though he had to turn around and drive back Wednesday for his class Thursday morning. Then he came right back Thursday evening and spent the weekend here. I am in awe of how incredible of a man he is. I can't imagine how exhausted he was or how overwhelming those few days must have been. He continues to prove to me every day just how lucky and blessed I am. And I hope he knows that I realize and thank God daily for putting him in my life. 

Pinterest has overtaken my soul. Especially recently when I had nothing to do but stalk people on Facebook and pin thousands of useless items to my boards, I realized just how many cool things there actually are online. In my spare time and over the past few months I have actually followed through on some of my Pinterest posts. 

Blue Moon Cupcakes. Myself and two of my best friends took on this challenge for a Superbowl gathering we were having and let me tell you they turned out fabulous. Of course they didn't look like the picture, they never do, but they tasted awesome. Definitely worth a try for a gathering or when you are just craving something different and fun. After thinking about it we realized you can do this with any kind of fruitier beer, whether it be Corona [if you enjoy lime] or Leinenkugel Berry Weiss [for a berry flavor]. 


Pumpkin Dump Cake. I made this a while ago during the Thanksgiving/Halloween season so I do apologize for not posting about it sooner. Pumpkin may not compliment many of your dishes right now since it is more of a fall kind of food but this was a delicious dessert. Very rich though. It was definitely easy to make and I enjoyed every last bit of it. My parents make a dump cake that is more year round but when I saw this I couldn't pass it up. 


The Ol' Switcheroo. I didn't do this at the beginning of the year like it suggests but it is definitely an incredible idea. I have WAY more clothes in my closet than I could ever possibly need and I know that I continually go back to wear the same ones over and over again. So in an effort to make some room for new clothes of course I switched all of the hangers in my closet to hang backwards. Each time I wear a shirt I put the hanger the way it it supposed to be. After 3 or 4 months any of the clothes I have that haven't been worn will be given away. Woohoo. 


I am hopefully going to keep my Pinterest obsession going and following through on making some of the recipes and crafts I have posted. 


That is about it. Lots of thoughts still going on but who knows ... I don't have enough energy to say much else currently. 

... false. I have jury duty tonight. And now that I am no longer in college I have zero way of getting out of it. Unless I have kids or am over 70 or something. Suck.

"When did we become adults?...

And how do we make it stop?" 

If any of you who follow me know me at all you are not surprised that the above quote is from the ever famous Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy. It is one of those quotes that I find completely applicable to my life the more I sit down and think about it. My birthday was this past Friday. I am 23. Which in reality makes me a grown-up. It makes me an adult. 


But am I really? 

I still want my mommy and daddy around when I am sick. 

I enjoy car jamming - a lot. 

I like to color - and then put my signature on the page and give it to someone.

PB&Banana is still a staple in my diet. 

My stuffed animal, Bear - yes, that's his name, still sleeps with me. 

I hide under the covers when I hear funny noises at night .. like that would stop someone.

Depending on the item - I may still purchase clothes from the juniors department. 

I literally have one bill and it's my cell phone. 

All of those things are qualities and quirks that I really like about myself though. I mean only paying for my cell phone bill isn't necessarily a quality or quirk but for now I will take it. I guess what I am getting at is even though I am age appropriate to be in a suit everyday, paying all my bills and having a stream lined, clean apartment ... I want to enjoy who I am and soak it all up. I know that one day I am going to have a great job, a wonderful husband, a house to clean and kids to take care of - and I guess I hope that all of the above things are still true about me. I don't want to lose a sense of who I am just because I am an "adult". 

two kinds of insanity.

Number ONE. 

Insanity that is the workout. Holy moly. It has been kicking my butt. I have been able to see definite progress in myself when it comes to how much easier the workouts seem, my stamina, etc. Granted I am no Shaun T. but there is some progress happening. That sort of thing is awesome and I am definitely proud of myself BUT I wish I could see more of a change in my body. We are on week three now and though I have veered off the diet a little bit, maybe for five or six meals total, I don't see a lot of difference in how I look. I know the change isn't going to be overnight. And I surely am not expecting to drop a ton of weight or be a totally different person after such a short amount of time but come on ... a little change would be some nice motivation. The scale says I have lost six pounds but when I look at myself I look like the same person. Maybe I am just being too critical ... surprise surprise. Is it too much to ask for the Rachel's legs or Tanya's abs though?!  Who knows. After week four maybe I will take a better look, do measurements or something. For now I better just keep getting after it.

Number TWO. 

Insanity that is substitute teaching for second grade. I almost lost my mind today. I don't know how many times I told kids to sit down on their bottoms, turn off their voices, or to turn around and stop talking to their neighbor. Goodness gracious. At one point I literally almost just walked out of the room and left. It was awful. I am definitely not cut out for elementary education. The whole concept of not being able to rely on them to do anything on their own drives me absolutely nuts. Granted I haven't been subbing long and it was my first experience outside of a high school but I am just so used to the students I am around being self sufficient and not needing me to take the whole class to the bathroom, play the quiet game, or stand with them in the lunch line. There were so many points during the day that "sit down and shut up" almost came out of my mouth. Glad it didn't - they don't deserve that but I swear if my kids ever behave the way some of them did today I would be severely embarrassed as a parent. At least now I know not to do that to myself again. Secondary education it is!

sibling rivalry.

For those of you that know anything about me you are probably wondering how I am writing a blog that revolves around siblings when I, myself, am an only child. It's a good question because I know absolutely nothing about little brothers always rummaging through my stuff or older sisters giving me advice on high school. But what I do know is that my parents both have siblings and it doesn't seem to have worked out in their favor in either case. They each have a brother who seems to have chosen to not be a true family member so to speak. My mom's brother bailed when the going got tough and she was left to care for both of her parents during some very difficult medical conditions. Where as my dad has a brother who has chosen to take advantage of my granddad and use up the majority of the finances that he could get his hands on.

I don't get it. Being an only child I know that I am responsible for taking care of my parents when it gets to that point and I am responsible for managing their finances in the best way possible for them, not using the money in my favor. I have accepted that I will be the one. And I am more than okay with doing whatever I need to do for them; after all they have done above and beyond for me my whole life. The idea of bailing on the two most important people in my life has never so much as crossed my mind. So I started to think how two of my very own family members could be "those" kind of people.

There is no rhyme or reason to why either of them have behaved the way they have. Nothing to set them off into that kind of behavior - that I know of at least. It seems to be there are just truly sad, angry, and un kind people in the world. I have always kind of known that. But having two of them so close to me that they are my own blood makes it all the more real.

My hope is that I can forgive them for what they have done to my grandparents and parents. That in itself is an easier task said than done. But I really need to focus on letting the hate go out of my life. It makes me bitter and mean and more like them than I really ever want to be. At some point my current feelings for them will fade and I will be desperate for them, hopeful that they may change and be better people and maybe even my heart will desire a relationship with them again. But until then I just pray to God that I don't have bones like theirs in my body because I don't know how a person like that lives with themselves.

saying goodbye is hard to do.

So I am going to be incredibly and sincerely sappy throughout this post just to forewarn anyone who is reading ... if you don't want to go there with me then stop here and come back at a later date. Thanks and Gig 'Em :] 

Now that that's out of the way ... for those that don't mind how lovey dovey I am about to be here I hope I live up to the lovestruck school girl you had in mind. I know that technically tomorrow isn't "goodbye" for me and Tyler. Goodbye is super permanent, something that you say to someone who moves to another country or passes away. Those are goodbyes; painful, heart wrenching moments in life that you wish never had to happen. So goodbye seems a little silly to say when he is just heading back to San Antonio. But it happens to be a slightly painful, heart wrenching moment for me when he leaves every time. And I have a feeling this goodbye is going to be a bit more difficult than all the rest because we have had the opportunity to spend almost an entire month together; a whole month where we saw each other every day. It may not seem like much to a lot of people but I have had the opportunity to fall more and more in love with this man every day. I enjoy each moment we get to spend together and learn about each other. Whether we are working out, cooking, watching Home Improvement or hanging out with some of our bests it is all a joy to be with the man I love - the man who makes me a better me. 


As time passes I can see why the Lord placed him in my life in the exact moment that he did. He has brought me pure joy and happiness in a time when I was truly struggling. He has made me feel as loved as I could possibly feel by another human. He has helped me know what it is like to genuinely find your soulmate and want to spend forever with someone else. I always hoped that something like this existed. Hoped that I would find it someday but now it is tangible and I have it in my grasp I couldn't imagine something greater. 


I am sitting here on the couch as he packs up all his stuff around me. It makes me sad to imagine a life without him even if it is only going to be a measly two weeks or something. I am one of the lucky ones - someone who has found the person they were meant to spend their life with and at this point the less time we have to spend apart the better in my eyes. We have already spent 22 or 23 years without each other ... I don't want to increase that number any more than I have to. 


But like I said it is only two weeks. And I can live with two weeks. I have forever to look forward to. With the man I have always dreamed of by my side. So here's to the next fourteen days and to forever. 


It's only the beginning. 

the most wonderful time of the year.

I wanted to write this post previously but with the holidays comes a lack of free time to just sit, reflect and write. So though it is mid January and everyone has so quickly faded from the Christmas spirit, it is exactly that which I want to blog about. 

Christmastime is my absolute favorite. And why shouldn't it be?

BUT

I genuinely forget sometimes how blessed I am. That may sound silly so let me try and explain ... my life sort of just seems like the norm after a while. I begin to think that having two parents who love you is an experience everyone gets. Presents under the tree are no big deal to me anymore because they have always been there and well, why wouldn't they be? Everything that was supposed to happen in my life has. There has never been a day where I woke up feeling hungry or unloved. Never a day where I was worried about having enough clothes to keep me warm or a roof over my head to keep me dry. I have the pleasure each day over Christmas break to wake up and do as I please; overstuff myself full of holiday food, watch silly movies like Elf or Home Alone, and decorate the tree at my leisure.

Very rarely do I recognize how the Lord has blessed me on a regular basis. It seems odd that I forget to do that, especially when Christmas is the time that we are supposed to be celebrating Him most of all. During this time of year everyone loves a little bit more and a little bit deeper. However, we have the tendency to love the wrong things. We focus a tremendous amount of time and energy on gifts, parties, and each other when in reality Jesus needs to be the one we should be centering ourselves around. Don't get me wrong - I have never actually forgotten the true meaning of Christmas and of course I go to church on Christmas eve but I am not really sure if that stuff has as much of a lasting effect on me as it should. 

My Christmas was blessed beyond belief this year. Gifts were abundant and the love I received, not only from my family but also Tyler's, was flowing without a doubt. Getting to relax with friends and wrap presents each night continually brought a smile to my face. I have zero complaints. I just wish I had recognized how lucky I was in the moment that it was all happening and given thanks to the One that deserves it then rather than a month or so later. 

The New Year quickly approached after all the craziness of Christmas died down and I began to think about how I wanted to change my life in 2012. There is so much I want to do for myself and for others - I just don't even know where or how to start at times. I suppose the easiest way to keep up with everything is to write it all down and alas, that is what I am doing here. My goals may seem silly or unreachable but I am hoping to put forth as much of an effort as possible to make these things happen in my life in the following 354 days. 

Here goes nothing ...

- Gain faith and draw closer in my relationship with the Lord

- Cut sweets out of my diet

- Complete Insanity and keep up a workout regimen through the year

- Pursue teaching as my career and begin getting certified 

- Move out of my parents house 

- Find a way to get involved in a non-profit even if it just is through volunteering

- Maintain and grow old friendships while also starting new ones

- Continue to open my heart to the man I love and be a woman he is proud to love

None of it is going to be easy. We are already 11 days into 2012 and I feel everyday like I have failed at something or want to give up. But I haven't yet and that is the best I can do for now. It is a work in progress ... I am a work in progress. And I just hope at the end of the year I look back and am proud of what I managed to accomplish with my family, friends, boyfriend and most importantly the Lord by my side.