heavy heart, think of yesterday.

I have been back in that place, walking those halls plenty of times since I graduated five years ago but today was oddly different. Of course each time I substitute I am reminded of my days as a high school student but rarely do little memories flood my mind. However, this morning as I stood on duty in the cafeteria I realized I was standing next to the staircase, in the same exact spot where I stood almost every morning of my senior year. It was there that I so eagerly awaited seeing my bests walk through the doors from the student parking lot. It was there that the drama and fights took place with my high school boyfriend. It was there that I stood each day for twenty minutes before school for an entire year being overwhelmed with college decisions, contemplating what prom dress to buy, falling in love, frantically finishing homework and so much more.


Being there in that moment made me begin to think about all of the ups and downs I had while in that place. There are places in that school that literally changed the course of my life. I know it sounds dramatic but it is the honest truth. 

And sometimes I wonder if it would have been better ... if my friendship hadn't turned into a relationship that lasted four some odd years and consumed my college experience ... if t.u. hadn't rejected me and I had ended up an Aggie hatin' Longhorn ... if I had stuck with tennis instead of blowing it off after freshman year ... 


I wouldn't be me. So no it wouldn't have been better. I dated him for such a long time to lead me to the place where I can appreciate a man like the one I have been blessed with now. I got rejected from a school I so longed to be at, in order to fall back on God and have Him answer the "why?" questions. I quit tennis and became consumed with theatre where my passions soared and lifelong friendships developed. 


My life didn't start in high school but it was shaped by those four years - indefinitely. And as I walk the halls I will always remember and be grateful in fact, that it all turned out the way it did.