a week of truth [11/30 thru 15/30]

30 Days of Truth
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. 

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit .

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Oh dear. I am going to go with my hair. People always think it is so thick, beautiful and long. In reality [the majority of the time] I am not the biggest fan of it. I think it is too long and too thick. On a good day it takes me roughly thirty minutes simply to blow dry. And then another good fifteen to straighten it. When I leave it wavy it slowly but surely increases in size and looks like a lions mane. All this is from my perspective though so alas if it gets me compliments then I will just deal with it. 


This is incredibly short but I am unsure how else to elaborate. Next ...

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
I never get compliments on  my smile. I am perfectly okay with that too. One of my teeth really ticks me off. I had braces when I was twelve and thirteen. You know the days when you really wanted braces to be cool and then you got them and hated life ... that was my experience. SO when I was told that my braces were coming off I pretty much vowed to never do another thing the orthodontist told me because I had been listening to him for far too long. Issue: I didn't wear the retainer given to me. Stupid. Now one of my top teeth is crooked. I so wish I had listened to Dr. Anderson. Oh and I am willing to admit that they are more than slightly yellow from the amount of coffee I drink. Basically I know exactly why no one compliments me on my "pearly whites" and I just don't care much.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
My dearest Emery,

I have never had anyone as reliable as you in my life. No matter the situation you are the ones I can always rely upon. In good days and bad your words seem to make the tears flow and pass more quickly and the smiles to come regardless of the situation. Thank you for never betraying or abandoning me. No matter how insane I seemed or how distraught I was you were always there to make sense of the world and calm me down. You are the ones that have helped me clarify my thoughts and release my anger. It is unreal to me what I would have done on some days had I not been able to just blare your music as high as I could while shouting the lyrics out as I drove down the highway. Windows down, hair blowing in my face ... nothing could be better. Though I know your days will come to an end at some point I will never allow my loyalty to you to fade. Your albums have significantly changed my life. I will be listening to The Question on repeat every day I need some helping getting by from now until eternity. I can't say how much your music has meant to me. That sounds silly to say out loud. But you have helped me survive in a way. 

Love. 


Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Dear John:
I hate your stinking guts. 
You make me vomit.
You're scum between my toes.
Love, Maggie

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
This question was incredibly difficult. Not because I don't know who or what I couldn't live without but rather because I have never tried to live without any of those particular things. Duh, cause then I would die. So I think I am just going to leave that particular little part of the phrase out when considering my answers. If I suddenly remember something that fits the particular qualifications I will make sure to add a side note but I don't think there is much of anything. 


My parents first and foremost. I suppose I have had my spurts of living without them. College has been a difficult time for me. I am incredibly close to my parents - I mean call them at least five or six times a day - and love going home to just hang out and enjoy their company. Coming to school and leaving home was not an easy process. It wasn't necessarily that I had to live without them but rather I felt like I had too. I didn't want to be the girl that went home every weekend or relied on them for everything so I just chose to remove myself from their grasp. By far the most difficult experience of my life. They help me keep my sanity. I could have done it all by myself but I didn't want to. The strength and courage that I draw from them is absolutely incredible. Knowing that one day they are both going to be gone is a tough realization. I don't want to live without them.


Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself. 

abc's of my current life.

A: Adventure. This summer is going to be the biggest adventure of my life. I am incredibly ready to be a 22 year old college graduate attempting to take on the world. Whether it be with my family, friends or simply alone to say that I am excited to see what is in store is an understatement. 


B: Bored. I am bored with life, with College Station, with school ... with waking up and doing the same damn thing every damn day. I need a change. And I need one ASAP. 


C: College. I only have one test, two assignments, two papers and twenty-six days that stand in between me and my diploma. The past four years have gone by much too fast. It feels like just yesterday my parents were dropping me off in my dorm and I was hysterical. Now I am a grown-up. I should use that term lightly as my mom would remind me. 


D: Drinking. My roommates and I have made it a goal of ours to have 50 empty bottles of alcohol in our house by the time we graduate. Classy, I know. These are things we have been collecting since last year when we all graced the legal drinking age. So obviously we aren't total lushes. However we are only at 35 bottles. That leaves us a good 15 bottles to go and only 25 days. Epic. 


E: Excess. Life, mine included, is full of excess. I am starting to weed through everything I have collected over the past year as I prepare to move out of my house and it is just plain silly the amount of stuff I have. Next house/apartment/shack [whatever I can afford] that I move into will definitely be de-cluttered. 


F: "For sure". This is my new phrase thanks to the infamous Mister Minks himself. It has replaced all other affirmative statements that were in my vocabulary and I am more than okay with that. 


G: Galveston. Myself and three friends went to the beach for the weekend. Not only was it a much needed break from the routine we are all set in it was wonderfully relaxing. It reminds me of how much I miss being there as a kid with my grandparents. A good reminder about how family and memories can bring an unexpected smile to my face always. 


H: Hummus. Yes, this is still a new love in my life. I don't know what I ever did without it. It is the perfect, healthy snack food. I have a whole new appreciation for garbonzo beans, or chickpeas if you like the lame-o name. 


I: Instantaneous. Driving the 2 hours and 45 minutes to and from Galveston this weekend was by far not my favorite thing to do. Granted I enjoyed the time I was there but I also became all to aware of my impatience. Life is ridiculous nowadays. Everything is instant. My parents have the ability to watch the news, surf the internet, order food, and rent a movie all from the living room television. As much as I appreciate how fast paced and quick the world has become I hate that it has made me think that a three hour drive is too much to ask. 


J: Justified. Such an under appreciated television show. Hate that I have to watch it on Hulu after the fact each week because I have a prior commitment that takes up my Wednesday nights. I give thanks to Travis for getting me hooked on one of the best shows I have seen since Grey's [which will always be #1 in my heart]. If you don't watch it, start. Oh and start from the beginning or you will be confused as all hell. 


K: Kites. Meagan kept talking this weekend while we were on the beach about how she wished we had bought a kite to fly. The wind/weather was perfect for it and there were plenty of other people participating in the activity themselves. My daddy and I used to fly kites together. Oh how I wish I was still in those days and those moments sometimes. Maybe we will make it happen again over Easter weekend. 


L: Love. So very cliche, I know. But alas here I am. I hate love. An oxymoron at its best. It is by far the most confusing, complicated, unfaltering, painful, exciting thing in the world. And yet it seems to constantly slip in and out of my fingers. All I want is to be happy again. To be in love, in a steady, seemingly normal, easy relationship and be happy. 


M: Mumford & Sons. I want to know where they have been my whole life. I could listen to their CD on repeat for days on end. As much as I don't want them to follow the great band, turns mainstream, goes bad pattern ... I SO wish they were played more on the radio and played more shows around me. Plus the Mumford & Sons Pandora station owns. 


N: Nothing. That is what I so badly want to be thinking about currently. I would love to not have a million things running through my mind all day and night. I would love to just have a peace of mind and not be stressed. Do nothing, say nothing, think nothing, feel nothing ... it may be not be all it's cracked up to be but trying it for one day sounds like a phenomenal idea. 


O: Opportunity. I thought that graduating from Texas A&M would be my ticket in the real world. I didn't ever assume that I would be planning on moving home, going back to community college to get an associates and waiting tables to earn a living. I was supposed to gain an opportunity from the time, energy, and money I spent pouring into my education over these past four years. Frustration is an understatement. Hopefully somewhere along the way a better opportunity comes along ... we will see. 


P: Profanity. I curse wayyy too much. Definitely way more than I would like. And I have no idea why or how it happened. I think if my parents were to wash my mouth out with soap it might help, kidding. But seriously ...


Q: Queen. Today I was on Yahoo reading some of the latest news stories and I, of course, stopped to read about Kate Middleton and Prince William. Their upcoming nuptials are in the news everywhere and I am not one to not be "in the know". There was a list of things that the soon to be Princess Kate will not be allowed to do once she gets married. As I was reading this they kept mentioning Queen Elizabeth and how she abides by all these rules. She is technically allowed to vote but it is frowned upon. When she stops eating everyone else at the table is expected to be finished as well, regardless of how much is left on their plate. I was shocked. Oh to have the power ... 


R: Reading. Definitely a lost art. In all the hustle and bustle of life people rarely pick up books and get lost in the pages. My roommate Monica just recently reminded me of how much I love to read. She purchased "Heaven is for REAL" and finished the whole thing in one day. I have since borrowed it from her and began reading it myself. It is definitely worth the read and has helped me rekindle my love for opening up another world each night before I fall asleep. 


S: Statistics for the Terrified. This book is going to be the death of me. As is my Methods class. I might just punch myself in the face. And by "might" I mean either that or I am going to die from confusion/frustration/boredom. UGH. This class is absolutely miserable. And you would think the book is there to help you but alas all it has done is make statistics and math an even more loathed subject in my life. 


T: Time. There definitely is not enough of it in the day. I find myself constantly scrambling to finish all the activities that I need to get done within a 24 hour period. The more I have started to look at how little time there is left before I leave this town I start to panic. I have no idea how I am going to pack up four years of my life, hang out with all the people I have become so close too, or how I am going to manage to say goodbye to it all. If only I could make things slow down. 


U: Underwear. I was on DayZero recently and was trying to find more goals for myself ... one of them said, "Throw all of my underwear away and start over". It seemed silly but then as I contemplated adding it to my list I got very uneasy. I mean it is just underwear. No one ever sees which pair I have on but me so why should it matter? I thought about it and wanted to justify keeping some pairs and only getting rid of the pairs I don't like. But that isn't the goal ... I am supposed to throw all of them away. Weird that I am attached to something that matters so little. Maybe one day ... 

* Side note ... these next few letters were rather difficult so excuse the goofiness. I may have just chose words that started with the necessary letter and made up some outlandish way that they relate to me currently ... End side note. *

V: Velocipede. Yes, I looked up words online that started with the letter "v". This was the first one I came to that I didn't know what it meant. Here is everyone's vocabulary [another good "v" word, for the win] lesson for the day. Velocipede is an early form of bicycle propelled by working pedals on cranks fitted the the front axle.


W: Weather. This is something I have been in love with lately. The sun is shining and although it is getting relatively warm outside I am adoring it. To be able to walk outside and feel the rays of the sun beaming on me and the heat of the day is much needed. It brings a weird energy that seems to infect everyone around. I am sure this feeling won't last for too terribly long since 90+ degrees is inevitable but for now I am thrilled by how God is blessing me in the smallest way. 


X: X-Ray. My back is pretty messed up. If you are reading this you may or may not be that close with me, not too sure. However a little background - I have scoliosis - real bad. My spine makes a backwards S shape. It is pretty wicked to say the least. And rather painful. The point of this is not to just come up with some "x" word [maybe a little] BUT to go ahead and agree with my mom and everyone else that I need to go get X-rays taken again ... and possibly give into the fact that I need surgery. I hate giving in. 


Y: Yuck. Fact: I just ate a grape that was mushy. Yuck. 


Z: Zabagliones. I had to do the same thing with the letter "z" as I did for "v". Mainly because the only thing that was popping into my head was zebras and xylophones. Xylophone doesn't even start with "z" it just sounds like it. Regardless ... another vocabulary lesson. Zabagliones: light foamy custard-like dessert served hot or chilled. Sounds disgusting. 

a little bit of this, that & 10/30.

So, here's the deal: today is Ring Day in Aggieland. Along with Ring Day comes Parent's Weekend ... yayyyyy ... [note my sarcasm]. As exciting as this day can be for so many I have had my moment and I am SO over it. Here are a few reasons why:

• Traffic turns a five minute drive into at least thirty
• Wait time for a table at any restaurant is unbearably long
• # of drunk college kids in town exponentially increases 
• Picking which ring dunks to attend is much too stressful

So instead of spending this joyous weekend at home, my roommates and I have decided to get out of town and take a little road trip. Galveston here we come - be prepared for an epic takeover.

Hate of the day/week/month:
The house across the street is now completely diminished, foundation and all. Which as cool as though sounds it is WAY uncool that duplexes are now in the process of being built in its place. I am totally fine with our street being updated and even new neighbors is no big deal but the building is a little much for me. I was woken up on this lovely Friday by a jackhammer tearing the street apart. Apparently they are putting piping in - wahoo! Except in this new thrilling endeavor they are taking on I will be continuously woken up at the crack of dawn to the sound of hammers, nails, cement trucks and bulldozers. Great way to start my Friday and everyday hereafter until they are done. Fail.

30 Days of Truth

Since I am going to be out of town this weekend I will not be able to update you on the truths of my life daily as I had planned. So until Sunday night or Monday morning when I return this will have to sustain you. I'm sad about it too, I know.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. 

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit .

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Where should I begin? This will be short. These people are solely listed because I do not nor have I ever wanted the drama. 

- A "best" friend.

- An ex-boyfriend.

- A high school enemy.

- A fellow organization member. 

- A friends ex-boyfriend. 

- A "friend" who uses me.

- A two-faced player. 

I am sure there are more that I could add to the list but those are the ones that directly come to mind. They are people in my life that aren't bad people ... okay, some of them are - but that is besides the point ... we just don't click or mesh or whatever you want to call it. I am done with them. When and if I finally manage to remove all of them from my life I will be much more at peace. 

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

9/30.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. 

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit .

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

This question wasn't as simple as it seems. For sure there are people in my life that have just kind of fallen off the face of my world but the majority of the time if I don't want them there I kick them out. So to say that I "drifted" apart from someone is a massive understatement. I suppose there are a few people though that have kind of just gone away with no reasonable explanation. I'll go into a few details about one particular individual.

She and I were best friends ... for freaking forever. Probably since we were about four or so. [Whether that's accurate or not I'm not entirely sure but exaggerating to prove a point is a specialty of mine] We were inseparable to say the least. From slumber parties every Friday night since I remember, trips to the beach, birthdays - even all the way to graduation we were by each others side. We were pretty solid. 


Then I went to college. Not that that's a bad thing by any means but it definitely put a rift in our friendship. Seeing each other became more difficult and when I did have the opportunity to go home it just wasn't the same as it used to be. It always seemed really forced and unusual. That is the best way I can describe it at least. Unless I want to be rude and I am just not feeling it right now. I felt like she had a world of her own at home and I had my own world at school and for some reason they just didn't seem to mesh well. 


Time has progressed, clearly, and since all that we are just kind of blah. Blah in the best sense of the word I think too. If there can be a best sense of the word. So although it is a sad time for both of us ... I'm sure ... we just kind of drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

08/30.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.


Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Someone who made my life hell, or treated me like shit. Oh how I have hoped to avoid this question. 

My ex. He has admitted it and apologized for it and that is part of the only reason I feel at peace posting it all over the internet. Our relationship has made me question myself to the utmost and no one has ever caused such a roller coaster of emotions in me. As much as I know that he loves/loved me I also know that there were many times and days when I was treated like the scum of the earth. No one deserves to be treated the way he treated me, not even your worst enemy. 


Before we dated we were best friends and that is the hardest thing about knowing that he treated me like such crap. I thought from the start that above all he had enough respect for me that we would be okay and stay in each others lives no matter what. But that didn't seem to be that case unfortunately. We were in a relationship for almost four years ... we fought constantly to have good days. It was like our relationship was full of tough days with a few easy ones scattered about rather than an effortless love with a few rough patches. That isn't how life is supposed to be - that isn't how love is supposed to be. We fought for each other so hard. For so long. But we were both unhappy and it wasn't fair. We both deserve better; I deserve better. 

Our relationship made me grow. He is and was the one person in my life that I have loved with every ounce of myself. But I am angry at him. Angry for how I was treated and for the lack of respect that was shown. At this point I am so angry about so many things that I don't think I will ever take shit from anyone again. Someone spouted off to me recently and I went off on them. It's rough but I know that I am stronger because of it. And for that I have to thank him.  

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.