time for a new stride.

Friday morning I graduated. I am no longer a student at my beloved Texas A&M but rather a member of the Association of Former Students. I am an Alumni. As excited and thrilled as I am, I have a gut-wrenching pain inside of me as well. Nothing seems to be falling into place and the worry has definitely sunk in. As I am watching all my fellow graduates and friends move out of town and go to start their new lives I wonder how mine will begin. I do not have a job. I do not have any job offers. My current plan consists of moving home, going back to community college and waiting tables. 

Alas, I feel like a massive disappointment. 

Sure, everyone says it is the economy. That things will turn around. I just need to keep looking and something will come. But it is hard to believe. Not saying that I think I will be living with my parents for the rest of my life but currently it seems as though that is the path I am headed. 


The sad part is is that I know I am capable. I know I can do so much better. I want to create a life for myself. Full of happiness and meaning. I want to be successful and make my family proud, make myself proud. But nothing is easy anymore. I am an adult. I can no longer fall into the comforting wings of a schedule of classes, studying for tests and meetings for organizations. I now have to work harder than ever before to create something for myself from scratch and that my friends is hella scary. 


Texas A&M gave me the best four years of my life. Not every day was a piece of cake. I failed tests, had a broken heart, fought with my parents, lost friends and fought every day to keep going. But in all of the pain I learned how to be myself. I grew into someone that I could never have imagined I would be. I gained new friends, stood strong, passed tough classes, loved deeply, and was truly blessed by my mom and dad. I move out of my world in NINE days. I move to the unknown. I wish I could stay here sing the War Hymn, scream my lungs out at Kyle Field, sit people watching in Academic Plaza, run around the Quad, have lunch at Sbisa and go out to Northgate. But I can't. My life is no longer following my plan. 


And I just have to let it go, let it be and be an adult. 

abc's of my current life.

A: Adventure. This summer is going to be the biggest adventure of my life. I am incredibly ready to be a 22 year old college graduate attempting to take on the world. Whether it be with my family, friends or simply alone to say that I am excited to see what is in store is an understatement. 


B: Bored. I am bored with life, with College Station, with school ... with waking up and doing the same damn thing every damn day. I need a change. And I need one ASAP. 


C: College. I only have one test, two assignments, two papers and twenty-six days that stand in between me and my diploma. The past four years have gone by much too fast. It feels like just yesterday my parents were dropping me off in my dorm and I was hysterical. Now I am a grown-up. I should use that term lightly as my mom would remind me. 


D: Drinking. My roommates and I have made it a goal of ours to have 50 empty bottles of alcohol in our house by the time we graduate. Classy, I know. These are things we have been collecting since last year when we all graced the legal drinking age. So obviously we aren't total lushes. However we are only at 35 bottles. That leaves us a good 15 bottles to go and only 25 days. Epic. 


E: Excess. Life, mine included, is full of excess. I am starting to weed through everything I have collected over the past year as I prepare to move out of my house and it is just plain silly the amount of stuff I have. Next house/apartment/shack [whatever I can afford] that I move into will definitely be de-cluttered. 


F: "For sure". This is my new phrase thanks to the infamous Mister Minks himself. It has replaced all other affirmative statements that were in my vocabulary and I am more than okay with that. 


G: Galveston. Myself and three friends went to the beach for the weekend. Not only was it a much needed break from the routine we are all set in it was wonderfully relaxing. It reminds me of how much I miss being there as a kid with my grandparents. A good reminder about how family and memories can bring an unexpected smile to my face always. 


H: Hummus. Yes, this is still a new love in my life. I don't know what I ever did without it. It is the perfect, healthy snack food. I have a whole new appreciation for garbonzo beans, or chickpeas if you like the lame-o name. 


I: Instantaneous. Driving the 2 hours and 45 minutes to and from Galveston this weekend was by far not my favorite thing to do. Granted I enjoyed the time I was there but I also became all to aware of my impatience. Life is ridiculous nowadays. Everything is instant. My parents have the ability to watch the news, surf the internet, order food, and rent a movie all from the living room television. As much as I appreciate how fast paced and quick the world has become I hate that it has made me think that a three hour drive is too much to ask. 


J: Justified. Such an under appreciated television show. Hate that I have to watch it on Hulu after the fact each week because I have a prior commitment that takes up my Wednesday nights. I give thanks to Travis for getting me hooked on one of the best shows I have seen since Grey's [which will always be #1 in my heart]. If you don't watch it, start. Oh and start from the beginning or you will be confused as all hell. 


K: Kites. Meagan kept talking this weekend while we were on the beach about how she wished we had bought a kite to fly. The wind/weather was perfect for it and there were plenty of other people participating in the activity themselves. My daddy and I used to fly kites together. Oh how I wish I was still in those days and those moments sometimes. Maybe we will make it happen again over Easter weekend. 


L: Love. So very cliche, I know. But alas here I am. I hate love. An oxymoron at its best. It is by far the most confusing, complicated, unfaltering, painful, exciting thing in the world. And yet it seems to constantly slip in and out of my fingers. All I want is to be happy again. To be in love, in a steady, seemingly normal, easy relationship and be happy. 


M: Mumford & Sons. I want to know where they have been my whole life. I could listen to their CD on repeat for days on end. As much as I don't want them to follow the great band, turns mainstream, goes bad pattern ... I SO wish they were played more on the radio and played more shows around me. Plus the Mumford & Sons Pandora station owns. 


N: Nothing. That is what I so badly want to be thinking about currently. I would love to not have a million things running through my mind all day and night. I would love to just have a peace of mind and not be stressed. Do nothing, say nothing, think nothing, feel nothing ... it may be not be all it's cracked up to be but trying it for one day sounds like a phenomenal idea. 


O: Opportunity. I thought that graduating from Texas A&M would be my ticket in the real world. I didn't ever assume that I would be planning on moving home, going back to community college to get an associates and waiting tables to earn a living. I was supposed to gain an opportunity from the time, energy, and money I spent pouring into my education over these past four years. Frustration is an understatement. Hopefully somewhere along the way a better opportunity comes along ... we will see. 


P: Profanity. I curse wayyy too much. Definitely way more than I would like. And I have no idea why or how it happened. I think if my parents were to wash my mouth out with soap it might help, kidding. But seriously ...


Q: Queen. Today I was on Yahoo reading some of the latest news stories and I, of course, stopped to read about Kate Middleton and Prince William. Their upcoming nuptials are in the news everywhere and I am not one to not be "in the know". There was a list of things that the soon to be Princess Kate will not be allowed to do once she gets married. As I was reading this they kept mentioning Queen Elizabeth and how she abides by all these rules. She is technically allowed to vote but it is frowned upon. When she stops eating everyone else at the table is expected to be finished as well, regardless of how much is left on their plate. I was shocked. Oh to have the power ... 


R: Reading. Definitely a lost art. In all the hustle and bustle of life people rarely pick up books and get lost in the pages. My roommate Monica just recently reminded me of how much I love to read. She purchased "Heaven is for REAL" and finished the whole thing in one day. I have since borrowed it from her and began reading it myself. It is definitely worth the read and has helped me rekindle my love for opening up another world each night before I fall asleep. 


S: Statistics for the Terrified. This book is going to be the death of me. As is my Methods class. I might just punch myself in the face. And by "might" I mean either that or I am going to die from confusion/frustration/boredom. UGH. This class is absolutely miserable. And you would think the book is there to help you but alas all it has done is make statistics and math an even more loathed subject in my life. 


T: Time. There definitely is not enough of it in the day. I find myself constantly scrambling to finish all the activities that I need to get done within a 24 hour period. The more I have started to look at how little time there is left before I leave this town I start to panic. I have no idea how I am going to pack up four years of my life, hang out with all the people I have become so close too, or how I am going to manage to say goodbye to it all. If only I could make things slow down. 


U: Underwear. I was on DayZero recently and was trying to find more goals for myself ... one of them said, "Throw all of my underwear away and start over". It seemed silly but then as I contemplated adding it to my list I got very uneasy. I mean it is just underwear. No one ever sees which pair I have on but me so why should it matter? I thought about it and wanted to justify keeping some pairs and only getting rid of the pairs I don't like. But that isn't the goal ... I am supposed to throw all of them away. Weird that I am attached to something that matters so little. Maybe one day ... 

* Side note ... these next few letters were rather difficult so excuse the goofiness. I may have just chose words that started with the necessary letter and made up some outlandish way that they relate to me currently ... End side note. *

V: Velocipede. Yes, I looked up words online that started with the letter "v". This was the first one I came to that I didn't know what it meant. Here is everyone's vocabulary [another good "v" word, for the win] lesson for the day. Velocipede is an early form of bicycle propelled by working pedals on cranks fitted the the front axle.


W: Weather. This is something I have been in love with lately. The sun is shining and although it is getting relatively warm outside I am adoring it. To be able to walk outside and feel the rays of the sun beaming on me and the heat of the day is much needed. It brings a weird energy that seems to infect everyone around. I am sure this feeling won't last for too terribly long since 90+ degrees is inevitable but for now I am thrilled by how God is blessing me in the smallest way. 


X: X-Ray. My back is pretty messed up. If you are reading this you may or may not be that close with me, not too sure. However a little background - I have scoliosis - real bad. My spine makes a backwards S shape. It is pretty wicked to say the least. And rather painful. The point of this is not to just come up with some "x" word [maybe a little] BUT to go ahead and agree with my mom and everyone else that I need to go get X-rays taken again ... and possibly give into the fact that I need surgery. I hate giving in. 


Y: Yuck. Fact: I just ate a grape that was mushy. Yuck. 


Z: Zabagliones. I had to do the same thing with the letter "z" as I did for "v". Mainly because the only thing that was popping into my head was zebras and xylophones. Xylophone doesn't even start with "z" it just sounds like it. Regardless ... another vocabulary lesson. Zabagliones: light foamy custard-like dessert served hot or chilled. Sounds disgusting. 

love, hate and nostalgia.

It seems as though I am back to blogging and oddly enough it is where I seem to feel the most comfortable.  As cheesy as it sounds I had a Xanga back in the day; yeah I went there. It seems to me as though that was the original blogging site. Even though that was probably just the perspective of a seemingly unknowing junior high girl back in the day. Oh how I wish I could go back to those days sometimes; then again all I blogged about was how much I hated my parents or what boy I thought was cute.

Oh how the tides have turned. 

Nowadays I am a broke college student - living a life of uncertainty and chaos. If I'm not on my way to a meeting, frantically studying for a test or getting some shut eye [which is rare] ... then I am having $1 margaritas with my roommates, making random road trips in the middle of the night and dancing on campus in the rain [which happens more often than you would think]. 

This is going to be my opportunity to rant about things I hate and occasionally tell you about things and those that I LOVE. 

Today:

I hate the cold. 

We live in Texas people, freaking Texas. When my poor soul woke up at the crack of 630AM for class it was 23 degrees outside. With a windchill of 14 degrees.I could see my breath in my car. Not only is that unheard of in these parts it is also absurd. No one should have to brave such unbearable conditions. 

Additionally I LOVE McDonald's breakfast. 

Now don't get me wrong - McDonald's is nasty and I am certainly not a fan. I don't even enjoy red meat to begin with. Seeing as McDonald's doesn't use real meat I tend to let their food slide under the radar. That however is not the point. What I'm getting at is how delicious a silly sausage patty, hash-brown and glass of orange juice can be at 7AM. It is absolutely mind blowing. Normally  McDonald's is pissing me off because breakfast is only served till 10AM. But alas, today I beat the system. It will be a good day. 

Until next time I will leave you with this ...

Challenge: Broaden your horizons. Listen to music you normally wouldn't, eat food you think is strange - just step out of your box and see what happens.