toby, josh, matt and dave.

One of my favorite things to do with a new CD is go through each song and find lyrics that really stand out to me. I am a huge believer in the power of music and how it can affect people in strong ways. There have been so many albums that have genuinely helped me get through hard times and others that have allowed me to celebrate the good times in the best way possible. 

Emery happens to be my favorite band - thanks to an old friend - and if you ever listen to their music you will know why. Not only are their lyrics powerful but their voices stand strong. I feel like as I hear each song from all of their CD's I am able to find a way that it relates to my life; that takes immense talent on their part to actually be able to connect with a listener. Their newest CD "We Do What We Want" came out yesterday and has been on repeat on iTunes ever since. It is amazing to me how words can have such an impact. 

The Cheval Glass:

The worst isn't ever the curse of the cleverest lines

Sang the song of never, never believed that you meant it this time

Scissors:

I never saw this coming, you can lose what you found 

The Anchors:

I had become more than what I had dreamed
The look of the youth but with hands stained

The Curse of Perfect Days:

I've never been scared like this
Of losing more than I have to give

You Wanted It:

We were all reciting messages and pushing repeat

I'm Not Here For Rage I'm Here For Revenge:

This is the first time that I have ever looked inside myself

Daddy's Little Peach:

When, will I be old enough to do as I please?

Addicted to Bad Decisions:

Tell yourself it was wrong when it hurts.
But the unoriginal you would have never worked

I Never Got To See The West Coast:

All the worst parts you wouldn't want me to see
The same parts, I have in me

Fix Me:

When we open our mouths we have someone to blame

champion forever.

March 12 2010 

5:43PM 

I received possibly the worst phone call of my life; for sure the worst thus far. 

My boyfriend, at the time, had just witnessed his best friend pass away in a motorcycle accident. And in that moment the world stopped. My world stopped. Immediately I jumped in my car and drove to where he was but everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. I got out of my car and ran towards the debris, feeling like if I could just get there faster I could do something to fix it but it seemed as though my legs wouldn't move my body any closer. This was the first time I had experienced anything like this. Never had I been forced to lose someone so close to me that was so young nor had I known anyone that actually witnessed death. I lost one of my friends that day and my boyfriend all the same. 

Death changes people. Guilt, fear, anger - it stays with you. It crawls so deep inside that there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. You get in to a dark place that no one else seems to understand, where nothing really makes a difference to you. However death is inevitable and losing Chris changed my life for the better. It has challenged me daily to see the beauty in all of God's work and stay positive no matter what situation arises. He had such a passion for Jesus and lived with such assurance that he was going to the Kingdom in Heaven that through everything I have hope. 


Recently there was a memorial at the cemetery. The doubts that filled my head that day overwhelmed me; not knowing whether to go or whether I would be able to hold myself together for the hour we were standing there. I easily became furious with others and the Lord - hurt welled inside me and I was taken back to the phone call I had so unwillingly received a year prior. But when I got there ... the birds were chirping, the sun was shining and his parents - they were smiling. 


In that moment I was able to see the beauty in death. In his death. 

Challenge: Find joy in the situations that hurt you the most. Stop and thank the Lord for your pain and suffering and remember that something good comes out of everything bad. 

hogwarts or bust.

At age 22 you would think that I chose to spend my spring break down in Panama City or on South Padre Island getting truly obliterated off of Keystone or jello shots. Though that may be the most chosen path myself and three of my friends took a different route: Universal Studios: Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Oh, how glorious it was.

It was everything the four of us had hoped for and more. Our [well my favorite experience] was butterbeer. It should be bottled and sold worldwide. Possibly the most delicious beverage I have ever tasted in my life, and there isn't even any alcohol in it ... the simple joys in life.

For the three days that we were in Orlando we had some of the best bonding time best friends could ask for. I couldn't be more lucky to know such wonderful women and have them as a part of my life. I start to wonder how my life would be different if they didn't exist for me and inside I get slightly nervous. They have been there for everything. They are the only three girls I know in the world that would sacrifice a wild and crazy spring break just to ride the Flight of the Hippogriff with me. I am blessed, truly.

two-faced.

Hate: 

Two-faced people. 

Let me just vent a little here for a moment, please and thank you. I am sick and tired of encountering different folks in my life who I originally love and then come to find out that they are pieces of crap. My attitude towards life isn't always the greatest, for sure. HOWEVER I am by far one of the most honest people you will ever meet. If I don't like you, if you annoy me or if I want to spend the rest of my life with you - you will know. So what if it hurts peoples feelings?! At least I am not the girl that everyone thinks is kind but is really a bitch. At least I am not the girl that everyone thinks is their best friend but talks mess behind their backs. I talk it straight up to your face. No doubt. 

So here is my note to those people in my life who have recently showed me their dark side: I am done with you. Don't call, text, Facebook, or show up at my doorstep. We are through. 

ohmmm.

As I headed out of my house this morning I was in complete awe of God. The beauty of the world that surrounds us each day is something that I tend to take for granted. Rarely do I thank the Lord for His mercy and for the things He has given me. I am so undeserving, yet, it never fails that each day I wake up, take a breath and live. 


My biggest concern is always that God will give me more than I can handle. The issues that I have had on my plate since roughly my junior year of high school have not been fun. Family drama, illness of loved ones and people passing away that were and are still dear to my heart has not been something I would have picked to spend dealing with through my college career. So I wonder sometimes why God has chosen to hand me this platter; what is it about me that He looks down and says, "I know SHE can handle it." 


I so often forget that the Bible is my greatest tool and my most useful resource. It never fails that when I am need serious guidance I am automatically directed to the perfect verse or chapter. I doubt in the Lord so often that when He does show me his grace I am even more overwhelmed and drawn to Him. 

EXODUS 14:14

"You need only to be still, the Lord will fight for you."

That verse is something I have chosen to live my life by. I am now at a place in my life where I am handing over control. As much as it sucks and as painful or confusing it may be I know that the Lord is not going to put me in situations without giving me some sort of direction. I am awful at choosing my own path and the plans I make for myself are always a fail so I have gotten to the point of no return and have just decided to not try. The challenges in my life that are about to arise as I face some of the toughest decisions I have ever had to make are not going to be mine and mine alone. I just need to remember that God is by my side and he is fighting back right along side of me.