March 12 2010
5:43PM
I received possibly the worst phone call of my life; for sure the worst thus far.
My boyfriend, at the time, had just witnessed his best friend pass away in a motorcycle accident. And in that moment the world stopped. My world stopped. Immediately I jumped in my car and drove to where he was but everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. I got out of my car and ran towards the debris, feeling like if I could just get there faster I could do something to fix it but it seemed as though my legs wouldn't move my body any closer. This was the first time I had experienced anything like this. Never had I been forced to lose someone so close to me that was so young nor had I known anyone that actually witnessed death. I lost one of my friends that day and my boyfriend all the same.
Death changes people. Guilt, fear, anger - it stays with you. It crawls so deep inside that there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. You get in to a dark place that no one else seems to understand, where nothing really makes a difference to you. However death is inevitable and losing Chris changed my life for the better. It has challenged me daily to see the beauty in all of God's work and stay positive no matter what situation arises. He had such a passion for Jesus and lived with such assurance that he was going to the Kingdom in Heaven that through everything I have hope.
Recently there was a memorial at the cemetery. The doubts that filled my head that day overwhelmed me; not knowing whether to go or whether I would be able to hold myself together for the hour we were standing there. I easily became furious with others and the Lord - hurt welled inside me and I was taken back to the phone call I had so unwillingly received a year prior. But when I got there ... the birds were chirping, the sun was shining and his parents - they were smiling.
In that moment I was able to see the beauty in death. In his death.
Recently there was a memorial at the cemetery. The doubts that filled my head that day overwhelmed me; not knowing whether to go or whether I would be able to hold myself together for the hour we were standing there. I easily became furious with others and the Lord - hurt welled inside me and I was taken back to the phone call I had so unwillingly received a year prior. But when I got there ... the birds were chirping, the sun was shining and his parents - they were smiling.
In that moment I was able to see the beauty in death. In his death.
Challenge: Find joy in the situations that hurt you the most. Stop and thank the Lord for your pain and suffering and remember that something good comes out of everything bad.
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