Courtesy of P.Phillips

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Weight of the World

Everyone wants to look like they have everything put together in their lives; no one wants to walk around and outwardly look like a hot mess, so we hide it. Generally we hide it deep down inside so the least number of people can see our craziness. I don't know who we think we are hiding it from though. The only people that really matter are ourselves and the Lord and you can't hide anything from yourself or God for that matter, so it is pretty much a lost cause.

I was raised in a church going family. I went to Sunday school each week, was involved in Awana's and VBS; I knew from a very young age what a Christian was and what Jesus had done for me. I don't think I have really ever chosen to implement Christianity into my life the way it was designed for me though. Of course I love the Lord, I go to church and I read my Bible - but am I a light for the Lord in such a world full of darkness? Do I radiate His beauty, kindness and unconditional love to all people? Am I obedient when He asks me to do things or do I even follow the 10 Commandments? The answer to the majority of that is no. I sin. Consistenly. Every single day. And it is the most discouraging thing in the world to watch yourself continuously fail at something you try so hard to achieve. Part of me feels like it is a lost cause, that I won't ever be able to be good enough and then part of me knows that the reason I am not succeeding is because I am not putting in the time and effort that is needed to do well.

The other night I was having a conversation with my roommate and amongst the things we discussed we talked about the Lord's forgiveness. I have sinned and I am ashamed of my sin. I don't like going into church sometimes because I feel dirty and I think that everyone there knows it. It feels like they can just tell that I am not Christ-like. I struggle with actually accepting His forgiveness and moving beyond my past. I know He forgives me and I know Jesus died on the cross for my sins; but it is different to live that than to just simply know it. 

The devil knows my weaknesses and he preys on me in those areas. For whatever reason I don't feel worthy of forgiveness, mercy, grace, etc. I don't feel good enough. I spent a large portion of my late adolescent life being told I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, fun enough and so many other things that after a certain amount of time I started to believe it myself. That is the devil eating away at me; making a last ditch effort to try and get me to turn away from my faith and my God. It's not easy not to sometimes. I wonder how much simpler life would be if there was one less thing to worry about; if I didn't have the guilt that comes along with sinning due to having the Holy Spirit in my heart. If I could just go around and sin or act crazy and never feel bad for it - geez, part of me thinks that would be the life. But it isn't my life. I don't want it to be. I like the guilt because it means God is still alive and within me, that I haven't lost my relationship with Him. I like having morals and standards I hold myself to because it means I am trying to live my life more like Jesus. 

And for now that is what it has boiled down to ... I want to live my life more like Jesus. I don't think I am going to change overnight or that I am not going to fail because I surely will time and time again. However, I want to put forth the effort to know my God in a more personal way. I want to start going back to church, because it has been too long, pray more, read my Bible more and just be more intimate with the Lord. So I guess here is to day one of being honest with myself and Jesus and my pursuit of living more like Christ. 

Your hand in mine ..

Things in life couldn't possibly be more different than they were the last time I posted. Everyone that was supposed to move finally did and getting adjusted to all the newness has been interesting to say the least. 

I miss my parents a great deal. We have always been close and I knew I would miss them but I really, genuinely didn't think it would feel like this. I went away to college and I left them before but this time just feels different than then. Maybe it is because I am older and we have grown closer, who knows. I am supposed to be a grown up and be able to do things on my own but I find myself calling them constantly for a myriad of things. I had to ask my dad what kind of lightbulb went in the backyard light, call my mom cause my battery died when I came out from the grocery store, and today I am texting them about a super expensive water bill. Needless to say I am not a grown up. And I am totally ok with that, I think ... at least for now. I am going to try and get them to do dinners with me twice a month in Houston or somewhere around there that is a halfway point between the two of us. Hopefully that will satisfy some of the sadness about  missing them and we can spend some time with each other. We will see how that goes!

It feels like I am in college again now that I have roommates. It is such a heartwarming feeling to wake up and see Britt at the kitchen table drinking coffee or see B pull up in the driveway after school. Your 20's are hard and knowing that the three of us don't have to do it alone is really comforting. I was on Pinterest, surprising I know, and I found a pin that said 21 Secrets for your 20's; the credit completely goes to Paul Angone at All Groan Up. As I found myself reading through the 21 secrets though I realized how completely true the majority of them were. Part of #6 says "Making and keeping friends in our twenties takes intentionality." I couldn't have said it better myself. B and I have been able to maintain a friendship but I know that we are going to continue to grow and evolve in our friendship and as a people. I am really excited that we are living together and have the rare opportunity to change in this life side by side. With Britt, we haven't been close at any point in our lives really but forming this new friendship while being roommates is an exciting experience. I am really lucky to have two wonderful women beside me during undoubtedly at time of some of the biggest ups and downs in my life. 

TK is all the way in freaking Florida. FLORIDA! From doorstep to doorstep we are exactly 743 miles apart and roughly 11.5 to 12 hours away depending on traffic/stops/etc. This is definitely the most challenging time we are going to experience as a couple. While I am not looking forward to the day to day frustration of not getting to have my boyfriend around I know that in the end this is just going to bring us closer; the time we have to spend with each other after it is all said and done is going to be so much sweeter. We are both doing this for the greater good of us as a couple and for our future family and that is what keeps us each going. Plus I couldn't be any more proud of what he is doing. I mean I am going to be married to Dr. Klein one day .. how cool is that? Really though, I am beaming inside knowing how he is bettering himself and following his dreams; it is an incredible feeling. We are hopefully going to get to see each other once a month. The plan, thus far at least, is to meet up about halfway one weekend in September and then for me to fly down and stay for a week or two in October. Then of course he will be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We will see how that all turns out but right now I am just looking forward to our next iChat or phone call - it's the little things!

I know that I write about the same things over and over again on here, I just can't help it. My family, friends and boyfriend happen to be the greatest, most important things in my life so updates on them are going to be much more common than other aspects in my life. Oh well. Sooner or later I will write a post about everything else that is happening ... till then!

moving on up!

We are on the move. Literally. My parents are moving out, two of my friends are moving in and Ty is moving to Florida. All of this is happening within roughly one week of each other ... could life be any crazier? Seriously? It is insanity. The house is a disaster right now and Tyler and I are about to head to San Antonio to make his apartment a disaster too. Little by little it is all coming together though and I know that it will be fabulous in the end. It is just a matter of getting to the light at the end of the tunnel currently.

I am nervous about my parents moving out. They aren't going to be super far away or anything but regardless I get anxious. They aren't old but they are getting older and well, I worry. If there is one thing that I worry most about in life it is them dying, no doubt. I can't imagine my life without them. I hope they know that. And I hope I have been doing a decent job of spending some time with them before they go. I know I have been preoccupied with my own feelings about other things but I need to make more of an effort to see them and get some alone time with them since they won't be in the same house as me anymore. 

On the other hand I am pretty excited to have roommates again. I think it will be a fun atmosphere for all of us. I have never been one who wanted to live alone, probably because I was an only child. I have always dreamed of having siblings, especially sisters - so roommates helps slightly fulfill that goal. Both of the girls moving in are great people and very different from me. I think it will be fun to see how we can all challenge each other, grow together and become the best of friends. Yay.

The boyfriend moves in the middle of August. It is a lot of work trying to figure out what is going and staying, as it is with every move. I am excited for him. His new apartment is awesome and I don't think he could have picked a better one to be honest. Hopefully it will all go smoothly. Once we get everything packed up in San Antonio I think he will be a little bit more at ease, I know I will. Because then all that is left is actually getting it all to Florida. I am going to miss him. Duh. But we have already agreed on an iChat date at least once a week for dinner [we're precious I know] and I have no doubt that we can make it work.

For now I guess I am just going to dive head first into the craziness and try and get everything organized and ready for the big days. Yikes. 

smooth as the hickory wind that blows from Memphis down to Apalachicola

I just got back from a road trip. If you have read any of my previous posts you know that I am not a road trip person and we are not a road trip family. So why do you ask did we drive from Houston to Oklahoma City to Laurel, MS to Tallahassee to Destin, FL to Tallahassee to Pensacola and then back home to Houston? [that's about 2,500 miles by the way] That is a great question, isn't it? Ty and his family are road trip people. Since I am now a part of their family also I get to partake in their family traditions of driving instead of flying. To be honest it wasn't as bad as I make it out to be. Ty and I finished watching season four of Big Bang Theory, and finished all of season 1 and almost season 2 of Grey's. It definitely kept my time occupied and they were great about stopping every so often for a short break. It was a lot of togetherness time, about 7 days straight, but it again helped me solidify, like so many things do, that he is the guy for me. We didn't bicker or get sick of each other or anything like that and there isn't another person I would rather be stuck with in a car for that long. I was so excited to be able to go to Tallahassee with them. Since he is going to FSU in the fall it was nice to get a chance to help him pick an apartment and see the campus; it is nice to know where he is going to be and be able to actually visualize it instead of just guessing.

The move isn't going to be easy on either one of us but we are both making the best of the time we have left here at home together. I am really enjoying just getting to spend all of our time having fun with the little and big stuff that goes on each day.

I'm sexy and I know it ...

Not the biggest fan of LMFAO however that music video just cracks me up. It seems to be an underlying theme in my life as of lately too. I don't mean to be arrogant in any way by that statement, I just mean to say that the more I work out the better I feel about myself, the more confidence I have and the sexier I think I am. 

I have been doing pretty awesome with my running as of lately - props go to Tyler for that one - this week we bump up to 9 miles. By no means am I fast. But I am kicking some ass if I do say so myself. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would be running that far, at that pace; or simply that far for that matter. I feel so empowered after a good long run. It relieves tons stress and really just clears my head. For an hour and a half the other day I just got to listen to music, think, and embrace all of nature around me; all three of which I rarely have the chance to do so it was incredibly pleasant. 

In addition to my new found love for running I am trying out some new workout things. For starters I had a job interview at Lululemon and part of the interview process was a Crossfit session. Now if you have never checked out Crossfit I would suggest doing so at least once. I have always been super intimidated by the idea of it but it was actually a lot of fun. I was sore as all get out the next day, could barely even move my arms my biceps hurt so bad, but definitely worth it. I  am branching out in terms of yoga as well. I have never really committed to a studio but me and some friends purchased a Groupon for a studio called Cherry Blossom, that if you are ever in the Houston area you should check out. I am also planning on joining a running group to help prepare for some races in the fall that I want to do. Having a group to fall back on and push me will definitely help, since Ty isn't always here every time I go run; motivation is key and I think these ladies will for sure give me that. 

Working out has just sort of become my thing that I love. I feel weird when I don't workout now. Back to the Lululemon interview though ... while I was at the interview the manager talked a lot about how their company really promotes goal setting. I have set goals for myself in the past and continue to do so on a regular basis. However, they are generally things that are either really simple that I know I will accomplish, which removes the fear of failure, or so difficult that I am almost destined to fail before I begin. Today though we were asked what is something we hope to have accomplished by this day in June 2013. I thought about it for a moment and it isn't anything life changing or drastic but my goal is to have run a half marathon, more than one by that point in fact. 

So I have decided to put everything down on my blog so that if anyone actually reads this thing - you can keep me accountable - and I will have it in writing. They are far from now but I just really want to make sure I am prepared so I don't look like a fool. 

1. Holiday Half in Galveston, November 18.
2. Run Girl Half in Houston, December 9.
3. Galveston Half, January 27. 

Oh and I am thinking of doing a round of Insanity again. Just can't get enough Shaun T. 

Food, glorious food!

For starters the title to my post is a song from Oliver, which is a total throwback to my high school theatre days. There aren't many songs with lyrics about food in them which I find is rather unfortunate. I don't always use song lyrics, sometimes it's quotes, but I tend to try and make my blog titles relate in some way or another to what I am going to be discussing. So, I had to really put my thinking cap on for this one. But I digress ... The point of this post is to bring you up to speed with some of the recipes I have been trying. I have been on a total cooking/baking spree lately and I figured it was the least I could do to inform the blog community of how things are turning out. 

* Let me preface this with saying that none of these are my own recipes; I am not that talented. If you click on the name of each it will take you to the link where I obtained the recipe in the first place. Without further ado, in no particular order, here are five recipes I have attempted in the past month or so ...

Texas Governors Mansion Cowboy Cookies: Holy cow. There may actually be a reason that these are listed first because they are by far the best cookies I may have ever tasted. They are chalked full of all of my favorite things, nuts, coconut, cinnamon, etc. The best thing about these is that you can add or remove any sort of ingredients you want and they are still going to be delicious. If you are allergic to nuts omit them and add more chocolate chips. Or in my case throw some walnuts in too instead of just pecans. They were awesome and the dough might have been even better. A big hit at the Memorial Day gathering I went to, I will be keeping this recipe on file for further use hands down. 

Banana Oatmeal Cups with Chocolate Chips: These are a healthy take on a cupcake, that I think is more like a muffin, that can be eaten for breakfast or just as a snack throughout the day. I ran out of chocolate chips so I added some coconut into mine but besides that I followed the recipe pretty much verbatim. I ended up having more mixture than it said I would so I was able to make 18 instead of just 15 but they all turned out very tasty. I love that they are only about 130 calories per muffin; it makes for a great grab and go snack for myself.

Oven Dried Strawberries: I was not a fan of these at all. I had such high hopes going in to this endeavor; I followed the recipe that was given on the website word for word and they just didn't turn out right. My strawberries never really became fully dried. The edges had hardened the way they were supposed to but the inner part was mushy like a strawberry that had gone bad. I left them in the oven overnight, because I was too tired and disappointed to do anything else with them, and they dried out a little bit over the next 12 hour period. But they just weren't what I was expecting. Hopefully one of my friends will perfect this recipe and give me some insight on how to make it work!

Copycat Chipotle's Cilantro Lime Rice: I cant take the credit for this one at all ... Tyler made this last night for dinner to accompany our meal and I thought it was wonderful. I hate cilantro but love lime and Chipotle has always done great at balancing out the two flavors in their dishes perfectly. We just kinda went out on a limb last night and threw some stuff in but I think it was just as good if not better than what I pay for. He also added some carrots and onions to the rice in addition to the lime and cilantro and it all just meshed so well together. This is a recipe that definitely lives up to the copycat name.

Zucchini Basil Pesto Pasta: This recipe combines all of my favorite things; I love each of the ingredients so much that I could eat each by itself or on a regular basis. Maybe that is why this recipe was such a hit with me but I think it is just because it is flat out great. I had some yellow squash that was going to go bad so I added it as well instead of just the zucchini and I think it was a great addition to the plate. The whole thing was really easy to make and didn't take much time, which is always a plus for me; I would recommend it to anyone who is looking for something different and delicious.

Hopefully I will get to try out some more new recipes in the near future - I just can't get enough food - and I will update the blogosphere on how they tasted when the time comes. Tonight or tomorrow I think I may take my first crack at a quinoa dish ... wish me luck!