first time for everything.

This is going to be all over the place. Stay with me. 

- First time in a long time that I will be missing the Aggie football opener. I thought I missed being a student but as the first game of the season approaches I realize just how much I miss my second home. College Station is some place I will always be able to go and remember a time in my life that some of my best and worst memories happened. Hopefully I will get to attend a few games this season and many more in the years to come. Can't wait to be back in the best student section in college football. 

- Best friend left for Spain today. Such a weird feeling. She is going to have the time of her life, I have no doubt but I am going to miss her dearly. She left the three of us here and of course we will manage to get by but it is never the same when all of us aren't together. So glad I have these girls in my life. 

- Mom is on my case again. About everything. But more so about going to graduate school. She made me make an appointment with St. Thomas downtown for next week to talk to them about getting my MLA. It doesn't sound like such a bad plan but who knows. We will see if I can even get in. Ugh. I should've done better as an undergrad. D for diploma is killing me. I mean granted I did better than straight D's but for goodness sake it's like since I don't have a 4.0 I don't mean anything. Stupid society.

- Wedding to go to this weekend. It'll be a fun time. Getting to see quite a few people that I do not get to spend enough time with. Hopefully it will help us all reconnect and stay in touch better. All in all should be pleasant. 

- Been running lately. Granted I haven't been running as far as I would like but alas it is like 112 degrees outside so I am proud of however far I can make it. I am hoping to just build up my tolerance but we will see. Contemplating on getting a membership to a gym around here. I have some friends who joined one that is rather cheap - so we will see. I miss the REC - boo.

- Looking forward to the next few months. Should make for more exciting memories. The best is yet to come right? 

- Anna's funeral is tomorrow. I can't go. I wish I could. Part of me feels like it isn't my place to be there - she and I had only met on a few occasions but her brother and I were a part of each others lives for quite some time. Granted we had drifted but still I wanted to be able to support him. It's never easy. I just hope he and his family can manage to get through the day, one step and one breath at a time. 

time for a new stride.

Friday morning I graduated. I am no longer a student at my beloved Texas A&M but rather a member of the Association of Former Students. I am an Alumni. As excited and thrilled as I am, I have a gut-wrenching pain inside of me as well. Nothing seems to be falling into place and the worry has definitely sunk in. As I am watching all my fellow graduates and friends move out of town and go to start their new lives I wonder how mine will begin. I do not have a job. I do not have any job offers. My current plan consists of moving home, going back to community college and waiting tables. 

Alas, I feel like a massive disappointment. 

Sure, everyone says it is the economy. That things will turn around. I just need to keep looking and something will come. But it is hard to believe. Not saying that I think I will be living with my parents for the rest of my life but currently it seems as though that is the path I am headed. 


The sad part is is that I know I am capable. I know I can do so much better. I want to create a life for myself. Full of happiness and meaning. I want to be successful and make my family proud, make myself proud. But nothing is easy anymore. I am an adult. I can no longer fall into the comforting wings of a schedule of classes, studying for tests and meetings for organizations. I now have to work harder than ever before to create something for myself from scratch and that my friends is hella scary. 


Texas A&M gave me the best four years of my life. Not every day was a piece of cake. I failed tests, had a broken heart, fought with my parents, lost friends and fought every day to keep going. But in all of the pain I learned how to be myself. I grew into someone that I could never have imagined I would be. I gained new friends, stood strong, passed tough classes, loved deeply, and was truly blessed by my mom and dad. I move out of my world in NINE days. I move to the unknown. I wish I could stay here sing the War Hymn, scream my lungs out at Kyle Field, sit people watching in Academic Plaza, run around the Quad, have lunch at Sbisa and go out to Northgate. But I can't. My life is no longer following my plan. 


And I just have to let it go, let it be and be an adult. 

2/30 and national champs.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Again I will go ahead and do one physical thing I love and one mental/emotional thing. Both are things I have always loved and I don't think that will change. My eyes. I think they're beautiful. Conceited? Oh well. I like the color, my eyelashes, eyebrows, etc. All of the above is probably my favorite thing about my body physically. Deeper inside I would have to say that I love my faith, in every sense of the word. In regards to my belief in the Lord and my Christian faith I couldn't be more proud to stand up and know that I am going to Heaven one day. Slightly more general terms of the word faith also apply. I choose to have a faith in others, myself and in the Lord. I believe that things are going to work out the way they are supposed to no matter how bitter and angry I can get at times. 

Nothing too exciting and juicy but I answered the question none the less. 

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Side note: 

Texas A&M Women's Basketball won the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP game last night. They outplayed Notre Dame and made the Aggie family more proud than I ever thought possible. It is an incredible feeling to know that even though I am 5'3" and incredibly uncoordinated I can share in this win with them. What a great note to go out on my senior year. I couldn't be more thrilled to shout to the world that I am an Aggie. WHOOP!