green with envy.

Thoughts on Breakaway: Overcoming Jealousy 09.20.2011


The past three weeks of Breakaway podcasts that I have listened to Ben has been crying out from the stage that we need to seek Jesus and pursue Him. We are meant to run through life, being a light for the Lord, but we can't engage in that positive pursuit unless we are simultaneously disentangling ourselves from the ways of the world. There are so many things that get us twisted and tied up and halts our progress. 


We need to look at what is holding us back. I need to do some reflection myself and figure out what is holding me back in particular from pursuing a deeper relationship with Christ. 

Ben mentions that there are three huge problems that hold us back. When he first said that I imagined things like alcohol, sex, drugs, etc. But none of those came out of his mouth. Instead I heard jealousy, guilt and bitterness. 

This week in particular there was a focus placed on jealousy. It was noted that envy has three ingredients. The first is that it requires two people. The second is that there has to be a perception in the envier of some advantage that the envied has that the envier does not. And the third, which you must have, is having a negative emotional response the the previous perception.

Genesis 37:1-14, 18-28 is the story of Joseph and the coat of many colors. The jealousy that came over Joseph's brothers was so severe that they couldn't even say hi to him; there was a true hatred for their own flesh and blood. Joseph's father loved him the most and he made it known. But that wasn't the straw that broke the camels back. It was when the coat was given to Joseph; the coat was a symbol that some day he was going to become his father and follow in his footsteps. 


The reason God makes Joseph a ruler in Egypt is because of the famine that was going to hit. Joseph was the only one who knew how to solve it and he actually ended up saving his family. But God doesn't reveal all of that to begin with because frankly He doesn't have to. God isn't cruel; He weaves all things together for the good of those who love Him. But we have to put our trust in Him. 


We struggle indefinitely with envy. Just think about the last seven days. Think of your honest response in moments where there was someone or something you were jealous of. I know that I am rather guilty of wanting what others have. It ranges from cute clothes on someone to steady jobs/careers that people I know are acquiring and it poisons my thoughts. 


You can't take the first step in the journey of loving God if you don't love other people. Proverbs 14 says that envy makes your bones rot, and Proverbs 27 says that envy is worse than wrath and anger. 


We first need to understand that envy isn't about the other person. It is simply about us. Whatever problem or inadequacy we feel like we have God could have changed in us but He didn't. Envy is insatiable. Nothing will be able to satisfy us in the world ... only the Lord can do that. We need to aim our anger and envy at God and just be honest. And then we need to have the integrity to be able to withstand God's honesty back. God has something bigger and better for us and we need to run our race under His conditions. Not our own.

flo-rida.

March 16, 2012 may just so happen to go down in the history books. At least in my books it will. Ty got into FSU. FSU ... as in Florida State ... as in he is going to be getting his PhD. When we walked up to my door and handed me that sheet of paper my heart was overcome with joy. It may have been one of the proudest moments of my life. I haven't been by his side through all his years of hard work. But the past seven months I have seen him truly bust it in hopes that this dream would be a reality. And after watching him I can honestly say there is not anyone that deserves this opportunity more than he does. God has blessed us both with this news. The stress of not knowing is finally lifted and we can start creating a plan that is going to lead us to where we need to be. This fall is going to bring so many wonderful things and I am more excited than words can express. What God has in store for each of us and for our life together is so much better than anything we could have ever imagined. I am just thrilled that we are able to start this journey together. It is a long time away but I know time will fly; till fall rolls around though I may just stare at his acceptance letter a little more. 

road trippin' on a long weekend.

Following up from my last blog ... we are home from our road trip. We made it there and back without any casualties which if I do say so myself is a miracle. Just a little run down of what all went on, partially in case you are interested and partially so I have it in writing for myself to remember.


March 9th: We hit the road around 10am. Our first stop was Waffle House which always does me in to have a fantastic day. I wish there were more of those lovely, greasy joints around here but I will have to take what I can get. Instead of driving straight through to Memphis we decided to make a pit stop in New Orleans. Doing that shortens the drive by a few hours and since we aren't so keen on cars we figured it was probably in our best interest. Once we arrived, at around 5 or so, we parked ourselves at the Marriott in the heart of the French Quarter. My mom was all about going out and having a good time so we freshened up and hit the town. Bourbon Street was the top priority of the evening and if I do say so myself I was not impressed. I think New Orleans is beautiful; there is gorgeous architecture, incredible history, etc. But I do not enjoy the night life. The lack of moral and the "anything goes" attitude just isn't really for me. I can handle it I suppose but I just feel really out of place. The daytime atmosphere is much more my style. However, we had hurricanes at Pat O'Brien's which is a must when you go to New Orleans and ate dinner at this restaurant called Deanie's, boy was it good. We turned in pretty early but overall it was a nice experience for all of us to share. Maybe I will have a change of heart and enjoy it more when I go back someday. Who knows.


March 10th: We woke up and had planned to go to Cafe du Monde since it is a staple in the diet of a true New Orleans native. But alas the line was probably 300 people long. Little did we know when we planned on making this pit stop was that the SEC basketball championship was taking place at the same time we chose to head down there. So everything was unusually packed and full of blue/white Kentucky fans mostly. With a saddened heart and no beignets we made it to a place called the Camelia Grill for breakfast. It was on a side street, kind of off the beaten path but everyone that was walking out said it was worth every minute of the wait. So wait we did. I can't tell you what I enjoyed more, the food or the atmosphere. The waiters were hysterical and the setup of the place was pretty awesome too; the way the cooked and the comments they made, asking us of we wanted some Mississippi water, it just made the meal that much more authentic. One of the guys had worked there for 14 years. I can't even imagine. The food was awesome, though way too much to eat, so we packed our bags and headed back to the hotel. We were off to Memphis. This was another 6 our drive that we head in front of us. But I was so looking forward to getting there. The route we took was just straight up through Mississippi which wasn't too bad especially once we got off those Louisiana roads. Arriving in Tennessee we headed straight to my granddaddys house where we met my dad. It was great to see him since it had been about 2 weeks since he was last home. He piled into the car with us and we headed to the Hyatt where we were going to stay. By that time all four of us were starving and itching to see what Memphis had to offer so we made our way down to Beale street. After wandering a little bit we chose The King's Palace. The food was incredible, again. I don't know if it is even possible to get bad food in Memphis to be honest. The best part of the night though may not have been the food at all - let's just say the entertainment on Beale Street was more than enough to have me still laughing. I won't go into details ... you will just have to wait and ask me in person if you are truly that interested. 


March 11th: We had breakfast again at the hotel and got ready for the big day. The whole reason for the trip was to have one last family meal in my granddaddys house. It is the house my dad grew up in and my granddad has lived there for roughly 70 years. Well due to some unfortunate circumstances it is time to move out and so we found ourselves making plans for this semi family reunion. It was really nice to see my dad's side of the family. The last time I made my way up to Tennessee was about four years ago. I never got to spend as much time with them as my mom's side seeing as they were states away so every trip is always cherished, even if it is just for 24 hours. It was also pretty great seeing Ty interact with my family too; I never had any doubt that they would love him but it was a nice reassurance having them all together, getting along. I am not sure when the next time I will see all of them will be - part of me has a bad feeling it will be for a not so happy occasion but for now I will hang on to the pictures and memories we created this time around. Granddaddy gets tired pretty early on so the family events didn't last long but the eating never seemed to stop. Ty and I did manage to get in a much needed workout before we went to dinner at this place Buckley's. It was just around the corner from the hotel and was recommended to us by the girls at the front desk. Let me note that I had the best grits I have ever had from this place ... hands down. They made my meal. It was a really great way to end our fast paced few days; just the four of us, relaxing and stuffing our faces. 


March 12th: The sun rose early and we hit the road as soon as we finished eating. We were not stopping this time around so we had to get started sooner than the previous trip. Ty was a trooper and drove the whole 10 hours. I was more than impressed with him. It definitely wasn't an easy car ride but we did made it! 

we're off to see the wizard.

If you know anything about my family you know hands down we fly places. Everywhere. Hell I fly back and forth from San Antonio sometimes because that is how much we hate driving. So today will surely be an experience. We are driving to Memphis to see my dad's side of the family. Side note: [Partial good news is that my dad is already there and Ty is coming with my mom and I; so, keep your fingers crossed that there won't be any knock down drag outs.] The reason for the change of heart when it comes to driving you ask ... well, I am a big baby. I mean huge. And the weather is supposed to be pretty severe here and in Tennessee. That being said to get to Memphis on a nonstop flight you fly on a plane that holds roughly 40 to 50 people. Anxiety through the roof. I do not, I repeat do not, do well with turbulence on airplanes. And I am talking about regular sized airplanes, ones that cross the Atlantic Ocean, hold 200 people, and stay in the air for 11 hours - so on this minute aircraft with severe weather headed our way I panicked. So alas here we are. Packing up the car to head  make the 9.5 hour drive. I think it will be a new experience and am honestly sort of excited about it. But we will see how it turns out; I just hope we all make it back in one piece ... and that is not a reference to a fiery car crash of some sort but rather us killing one another out of frustration and cabin fever. That is all. 

Also here is what I took away from Breakaway's podcast from 09/13/2011 titled Engage the World!

We are living in a time with record levels of self-esteem and record levels of depression. How is that possible exactly? How can we be at both ends of the spectrum? We have been taught as a generation that we can do anything if we try. We can be if anything if we work at it hard enough. So our self-esteem sky rockets. And then when we fail because our dreams or goals are realistic we fall deep into a depression that shakes us to our core. But all of that is worldly. In those moments when our hopes are so high or so low we are placing our value in what the world says we can and can not do. But we as people exist to pursue Him - and He is our rewarder when we do. 


Seeking Him doesn't just mean adding God to our program. When we continue to seek the ways of the world and just partially rely on the Lord not much changes. We do not get to see His rewards or reap the full benefits of His grace, mercy and love. We need to let go of the world's program for us and get on board with God's. 

When we journey with Jesus and let Him take control of our path, it won't take long till we are changed. Realistically it isn't easy to be broken of our selfishness, only the Lord can do that. But the more we walk with Him and recognize how blessed we are He will very easily begin to direct our eyes towards others who are suffering more. 

Jesus doesn't motivate us with guilt and shame contrary to what we may think. In Matthew 9:35-38 it talks about the Lord's travels. It says in v. 36 that Jesus looked up and saw the crowds and had compassion even though they weren't following Him. He was not judgmental but there was a movement in Him that wanted to help these lost people. 

In order for us to get with the program and get on board with what the Lord is doing, in order for us to have that same compassion that Jesus had, in order to engage the world with our walks with Christ we must talk to God about men before you ever think about talking to men about God. 

the reason why.

This is what I took away from the Breakaway Podcast from 09/06/2011

There are a lot of days when I ask the question why at least a few hundred times. I am not sure exactly the reason I ask it because I never seem to get any answers but it is inevitable. We as people want to to know the answer to questions we have in our lives. However no matter how hard we search the world can not give us the answer we are looking for. But with the Lord there has never been a more clear answer than the one that is presented to us. 


This week Colossians 1:15-17 and Romans 9:19-20 were looked at. The questions of "why am I here?" or "what direction should I be going?" are dug into. Ben really focused on the question, "why college?" Since I am no longer in college the whole podcast from the start seemed a little bit irrelevant but you can replace the word college with any noun in your life. With myself in particular I want to know why I haven't been able to find a job yet. I want to know why I am being put in a position where I am substitute teaching and babysitting. I desire more than anything to be in a place where I have a steady career, am supporting myself and making my parents proud. What I should desire from the bottom of my soul is the Lord. So is there a way to do both? Can I pursue the life I have always dreamed of and Jesus at the same time? 


We, I, need to be pursuing God through whatever we are doing. It isn't always the easiest thing but bringing Him the glory in every little thing we do should be our passion. 


There are three reasons why we are here in this life:
1. to study Him
2. to study ourselves
3. and to join Him in what He is doing


We need to engage the world in our theology no matter our place in society. So even though I wake up some days and I wonder why my God has placed me in this particular position I know that I am here to serve a purpose. Whether or not I get an answer as to what that purpose is is up to Him but I need to bring glory to His name regardless.