i can only imagine ...

Within the past few years I have had a number of people that I was close to pass away. Each time seems to be harder than the next. Not sure if it is because I am older and I slowly begin to realize more and more how each of their deaths are affecting me and significant in their own way. Or if it is because as time as gone on the people passing away around me are becoming a great deal younger. Seeing my grandparents go was sad, of course. I loved them deeply, they were my family - people that would have given their own breath to see me happy and succeed. But when Chris died he was not even of legal drinking age. He had never lived on his own, had a wife or children, etc. His death was so unexpected - one day he was here the next day gone. I was taken a back. Full of shock and hurt. My friend had been stripped away in one of the most gruesome of ways.


And now here we are on what seemed to start off as a lovely day and yet has ended so tragically. It seems to be a cycle that is never ending. Anna has gone to be with her Father in heaven. At a mere 19 years old her precious life was taken out from under her. I know God has a reason. I know that she is finally able to take a deep breath - something she has been so desperately trying to do for so long and yet it doesn't give me peace. I look at her brother, Bernie, whom I love dearly, and question how he is so strong. Of course she is in a better place and finally out of pain but it doesn't make me question things any less. I constantly wonder why .. Why her? Why now? Why this way? But I never get the answers. They are questions I will never know the answers to I am sure. Frustrating. 


I know that Anna's time here on earth was a blessing and what she was sent here to do has been fulfilled but we will all miss her. Her fight, strength and faith that one day she would be free of her awful disease will forever reign in everyone's minds. She had such a contagious smile and that is definitely the way I want to remember her. 


But for now I just need to take deep breaths ...