starting over.

Two years have passed since I last wrote a post. I honestly can't remember what made me stop writing but it feels good to be back. There is such as sense of peace and relief I get from typing out my anxiety, fear, joys, etc. and sharing them with whoever is out there - I still haven't decided if anyone actually reads this thing yet. Deciding to come back to the blogging world was a tough choice for me; especially on this same platform. I went back and read many previous posts I had made and my heart began to hurt. So many things have changed. So much of what I wrote about is no more. I contemplated deleting this blog all together and starting over; I even created a new one but never got around to writing on it.

This is where my heart is. 

Blogging is simply meant to be an online journal, a diary of sorts. I would never just go back through my old journals and rip out pages that I didn't want to re-read any longer, so why would I delete my old posts? Looking back makes me realize what a journey I have been on the past two years. Though there is pain and confusion in some of it I see how much I have grown. I am a better for it. Happier because of it. I'm starting over. 

Just to slightly recap a couple of major things that have gone on: 

1. I have a new boyfriend. YAY. This month marks one year that we have been together. I couldn't be more proud to walk beside him in this life. And I am thrilled about the journey we are on. 

Me and C in San Antonio, 2014

2. I am still running but not as much as I would like to be. I went through a patch of time where I was on some pretty heavy meds and it killed my joints so running was out of the question. Back at it though and training again with a group of ladies through Karna Fitness. Definitely a great support system and pretty effective to regain my mileage. Planning on running The Woodlands Half Marathon in early 2015 as well ... baby steps. 

3. Working out wise I have also started taking some spin and barre classes at a local place called Define. Holy smokes - is it the best. Not only are the people fantastic but both rev and body are killer workouts. I love being able to add some new stuff to my routine instead of just running everyday. 

4. On a more serious note - my daddy was diagnosed with lung cancer, about 2 months ago now. Though this is just the beginning it has already been a serious battle. The type of cancer he was diagnosed with is pretty uncommon. Luckily there is a relatively successful trial drug out there that the doctors have him on. I know that any of us could die at any moment - in car accident, from a heart attack, whatever - but knowing he is sick makes me worry to my core. I am sure there will be many future posts about his status and how my heart slash head are handling everything. 

Me and Dad in England, 2013

5. Speaking of family my parents and I were able to take a pretty outstanding trip to Belgium and England last July. I clearly am a little past due on the post but I just have to point it out. Now that my dad has fallen ill it may be one of the last big family vacations that we got to go on together. I will cherish that deeply. And London is wicked cool. I loved every second of the trip; the culture, the people, the sights - I could move there in a heartbeat. 

Me, Mom and Dad headed to Europe, 2013

6. Some big changes happened in the friend zones over the past few years too. To be brief:

• O and I had a large falling out. In fact, she had a large falling out with me, K and B and stepped away from all of our friendships all together. I have since apologized, which I think she has accepted, and we speak from time to time. However, we are not necessarily on a path to recovery. Just amicable. 
• B got married! Yes, this means she moved out .. sigh. I miss having her here all the time but she married a fantastic man, we will call him M, and it is so lovely to see her genuinely happy. I couldn't be prouder to call her my best. 
• K graduated from college, wahoo! She and W also ended an engagement which has been rocky to say the least. I so admire her strength through the whole process and envy her ability to follow through on possibly the toughest decision she's had to face. 
• L moved home from Hawaii. To be honest, I am not sure if she was in Hawaii yet the last time I posted. But she is here now and I am so glad to have her back. It is nice to be able to pick up where you left off with a friendship, like no time has passed, even when it has been years. 
• There was a huge, drama filled, chaotic, mess of a night that sort of stemmed a whole bunch of change for me in the friend department last July. I lost a number of people I was incredibly close to and fell into probably one of the darkest places I have ever been. People I thought I knew and could trust, betrayed me. People I thought would have my back, didn't. People spun things and set things up and it was just a hell of bad time. I see now how at fault I was for so much of it. But I also see how vindictive and hateful others can be. I am learning to choose my friends wisely and to put faith in those that I genuinely have faith in. 

All of us at K's Graduation 

B and the Bridal Party

7. I got a big girl job. Working in real estate was never where I imagined I would end up but alas, here I am. I have been working for Heritage Texas Properties for almost a year and it has been such a blessing. Not only have I found something that I am passionate about but I have am honored to work alongside and under such great colleagues. The opportunity came out of nowhere and totally just fell into my lap but I am glad I jumped at the chance and wasn't too afraid to take the risk.

Since two years have passed I am sure way more than just 7 major events have occurred but that is all I can seem to conjure up at the moment. Probably because it's 1:30 AM and my brain is shutting off. Either way, it's a start. I am picking up the pieces where I left off and will be more diligent about writing and documenting what is going on in my life.

Till next time ...

M