follow through.

I followed through with something. Strange ... I know. But last night I went back to Bible study. I sacrificed my time and gave it to God. What a beautiful thing that can be.

It has been almost a year since I was in community group. After a downward spiral towards the end of summer last July I chose to take a step back. I use the word chose because it definitely was a choice. My faith was lacking and I was so angry at the world - God too. I have attended church here and there since then but it has definitely been inconsistent. Community is hard to insert yourself in when you feel like you are an outsider. When you are not walking with the Lord, the last thing you want to do is come and spend time with Him. You feel ashamed, broken, unworthy, so on and so forth. A breaking point has to happen for you to decide to go back.

My dad being sick was and is my breaking point.

I have one selfless, sweet, incredibly caring friend from group who has not only followed up with me consistently in my absence but she has gently pushed me to return. She knew that I would come back when I was ready but she also was not going to let me off the hook. I am so genuinely blessed by her love.

Being back is not easy. I still feel like an outsider. So much has happened since I last saw those people; some are now married or pregnant, some new people and some have left the group. They have continued to grow together and grow in their faith while I remained stagnant. I don't like that feeling and I don't want to do it anymore.

Choosing to walk with God isn't easy. I recently read a magazine article [which can be found here: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/christianity-harder-we-pretend-it] that discusses how much harder Christianity is than we pretend. We feel like we can live with a foot in both the Christian world and in secular society. That is not the case. Giving your life to God means giving up everything and handing it over to Him for His glory. That is a daily challenge but it is something we are called to.

So here is the start to something new. Hopefully the follow through is not temporary and I can begin to not only walk with the Lord daily but also trust in Him each day too.